13-Mar-2002

Yami no Matsuei: After the Bargain
by bonne, von and cassiopeia

For this sequel, Cassiopeia is co-authoring and writing the POV of Hisoka.

Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: After the Bargain
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com), vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com) and Cassiopeia (Cassiopeia@gundamwing.net)
Category: yaoi, angst
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Tsuzuki x Hisoka, later Muraki x Oriya, Muraki + Tsuzuki
Spoilers: Series
WARNINGS: Lemon, Angst, Tsuzuki may appear a bit OOC at times
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here.
As with all our fics, while our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any discrepancies are our mistakes.
Feedback: Any and all comments welcome, be they short or long.

After the Bargain: Part 5

Eventually, a day in hell passes like any other. Conscious of Tatsumi's scrutiny, Tsuzuki was unusually cheerful even for him. He made no attempt to hold Hisoka's hand or otherwise indicate any change in their relationship that would signal to others. He was his usual self - annoying at times to his partner, predictable, perhaps. Only once or twice did the empath catch a darker look in purple eyes that gave any clue that the older Shinigami was thinking about later and what they had agreed to do. But it was fleeting and always covered with a smile or a wistful request for a snack break.

At the day's end, Hisoka found himself walking 'home', wherever that was anymore, with his partner. He was nervous but not apprehensive... he wanted to do this, knew they both needed to do this. Still, his stomach was tied in a knot that he couldn't get it out of, and he consciously tried to move them faster towards their destination.

Tsuzuki's steps... lagged. He didn't regret making the decision, but it didn't mean he was in a great hurry to plunge into it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought it was not unlikely that the unexpected closeness that he'd found with Hisoka might be lost in the process. It wasn't something he wanted to lose.

When they'd found their way to Tsuzuki's apartment, Hisoka opened the unlocked door, frowning. He really needed to help Tsuzuki find those keys. Once inside, he turned to watch the older Shinigami enter, the man literally dragging his heels as he walked. "Tsuzuki," he said with finality, "Do you want to do this?" It was the last time Hisoka was going to ask.

Tsuzuki ran a hand through his hair. After a moment, he turned to Hisoka and his expression melted into a sweet, vulnerable smile. "No," he said, "And yes. No because I'm afraid. Yes, because I trust you. It will be all right after this," he added, making it as firm as he could for Hisoka's sake.

Reaching into his pocket he produced the missing keys. And handed them to his partner in an act that quite symbolized his trust.

Hisoka looked at the keys in his hand for a moment, the coolness of the metal seeping into his skin, and then back up at Tsuzuki. The boy tried not to let his uncertainty show on his face... when his partner said things like this, it always made Hisoka uncertain. The awful responsibility weighed on his mind, and for a minute, he could almost picture Tsuzuki, small and fragile, bird-like, sitting in his hands. His hands that could easily crush...

I have no room for doubt, the boy thought, and he made the picture leave his mind. "Tsuzuki," he said quietly, "let's sit down," and he indicated the edge of the man's bed.

Tsuzuki sat on the edge of the bed, then got up and quickly took off his coat and jacket and sat again. He decided to watch Hisoka and try to memorize this partner's face and attitude in case... in case something happened, something that would cause the boy not to want to be around him any more. Then he berated himself. He should be trying to do whatever he could to make it easier for the empath. It was going to be difficult. But once it was begun, he was very afraid there would be nothing he could do to protect Hisoka. Not being able to protect... it eroded his calm. But he had to try, it was the only thing he could do.

Sitting up straighter, he waited with his hands folded loosely in his lap. "What do you want me to do?"

Hisoka sat next to Tsuzuki on the bed at a slight angle, facing his partner. He took a deep breath and it eased the knot in his stomach a little, but not much. He started to tell Tsuzuki to give him his hands, but stopped and stared at the man's troubled purple eyes. After a moment he moved closer and pressed a soft kiss to his partner's startled lips. Then he pulled away, hoping it hadn't seemed like a kiss goodbye.

"Give me your hands," the boy said, putting conviction into the words.

Nodding with suppressed tension - calm, be calm, think calm - Tsuzuki placed his hands in his partner's, his eyes steady on Hisoka's.

The hardest part was to make it go slowly, Hisoka knew. The rush was always too much, came pouring in, inundating him with thoughts, emotions, and events too numerous to separate, catalog, define. If he could just let it come easily, gently, then this would work, and he could keep it from hurting either of them. He could keep it from hurting either of them...

"I won't let this get away from me," he promised though he hated to make them. Somehow saying the words cemented it in his mind, and he closed his eyes, taking a single brick out of his mental wall, through which he saw...

A little gasp opened Tsuzuki's mouth as the memory materialized for him at the same time Hisoka received it. Reflexively, he tried to hold it back - too late, but it was a knee-jerk reaction... 'No! No...'

Muraki, Hisoka said or thought, he wasn't sure which and it didn't matter when he was like this anyway. A promise, a deal... stay away from 'him'. The boy was not sure what to make of the scene, but before he had time to contemplate it further, more sights moved into his view.

A remembered shiver moved along Tsuzuki's skin but the reaction was less of loathing and more... a consciously-denied thrill...

Tsuzuki, Hisoka thought, what did you do? The images... the feelings... didn't want to make sense. A... meeting of some kind? And Muraki... had his hands all over... all over... What was this?

Hisoka didn't want to see any more, but at the same time, could not look away. And it wasn't coming too fast, he had that to cling to.

But it wasn't cold. It was warm. And knowing. It touched on nerves and emotions with near-equal effect. I can stay detached... Tsuzuki's thought surfaced almost randomly. I can...

Suddenly the thoughts/images/sensations slipped, like a film reel slipping ahead...

The boy felt his hands shake, and as the images before him shifted, his hands dropped Tsuzuki's against his will. He immediately picked them up again, but he was unsteady.

We should stop this, Hisoka thought, and knew he was right. They'd both seen enough to already have a good idea of what had happened. Tsuzuki had obviously... made a deal with the doctor and... and... it was over now, simple. Nothing more.

No, there was more. Hisoka tried to blank out the doctor's lust, Tsuzuki's... answering emotions, but there was no way to do it. He either saw it all or he saw nothing.

We should stop this, Hisoka thought again, even as he waited to see more, gripping Tsuzuki's hands more firmly.

It wouldn't have stopped for Tsuzuki even if Hisoka had withdrawn. The thread was unraveling now, faster and faster, moments of time and events going by in a blink, to pause and replay with full immersion at random points.

Another skip, compressed moments drawing a gasp from the man whose hands rested in Hisoka's...

*skip*

Hisoka was transfixed, absorbed, falling...he wanted to be angry. He wanted that one comforting emotion, the thing he most often fell back on, but it would not come. Muraki... he should have wanted to kill Muraki. Tsuzuki... he should have wanted to kill him, too. Stupid, stupid Tsuzuki... how could he think that Muraki would keep his word? How could he think that the exchange was equal? How could he...

He did it for you, a voice said in his mind. He didn't know who's voice, it could have been his own. And then another voice, Tsuzuki's, sounded... 'What can he do without tools?' I'm just a tool to hurt him, Hisoka thought. Muraki has made me a tool. And he'll continue to use us to hurt each other.

The thoughts made Hisoka's stomach turn, because he knew what they meant. That if he really cared about his partner at all, that he should stay away from him. Hisoka tried to will the memory to come a little faster, suddenly not wanting it to go quite so slowly, not sure if he could see this through to the end but knowing he had to.

'You're wrong...' a thought whispered by, but before he could catch it, his will seemed to take effect. The hands resting in his clenched involuntarily as sensation and emotions were pushed through Tsuzuki's consciousness abruptly.

'NO!' Hisoka's mind cried, loud enough to shake his body, and he dropped Tsuzuki's hands, almost threw them away. He sprang from the bed and backed away a few steps, too many feelings flying through him to be able to settle on any one. Horrified, frightened, aroused... confused. "No," he whispered aloud this time, staring at Tsuzuki with wide eyes.

The purple-eyed Shinigami was staring into nothing, caught in the flood of remembered experience, re-experiencing and losing himself again in the process. His mouth was slightly open, lips swollen with remembered kisses, skin flushed with remembered heat, eyes shimmering with remembered tears. His hands crossed over his chest, pressing against his shoulders as if struggling to contain the explosion that was already occurring, like the controlled demolition of a superstructure. The breaking of physical contact could no longer protect Hisoka from the experiences that rolled through his partner in mounting waves.

Hisoka hardly felt the solidness of the wall behind him as he pressed against it. An arm raised could not stop the next wave of thought/sense/emotion, though it seemed to lap gently by comparison.

"No," the boy repeated, a barely heard sound in the room, and though he realized the scene before him was... disturbing, visions of Tsuzuki's release, caught as Muraki took him, caused a reaction in Hisoka's body, and he was flushed, breathing heavily. He wanted to get out of the room, stop all of this, but could not leave Tsuzuki.

"Tsuzuki," he called to his partner, knowing it would have no effect. Hisoka began to wish that he'd never started this...

Tsuzuki's head moved, eyes rose... but they were not seeing Hisoka.

The memories lapped at Hisoka's feet, the power draining slowly. He could ignore them, they were but shadows... shadows becoming fainter with his denial, hardly more than ghosts of distant emotions unconnected to him, meaningless...

Fainter with every moment, the last few emotions fading under the soft press of the doctor's will... a hand lifting... touching that pale face above... dropping... lips unable to shape the last word that could only whisper in unheard thought, '...arigato...'

The green-eyed Shinigami felt moisture on his face, the conflict of emotion within himself and the room, and could barely stand under the weight of it all. He slid down along the wall to the floor, sitting with his knees against his chest, and stared at Tsuzuki.

The man had let Muraki touch him. He'd let Muraki tie him up. He'd let Muraki... fuck him. He'd liked it. No, be honest, Hisoka thought. He'd loved it.

He'd probably let the doctor do it again. And again.

That's disgusting, Hisoka repeated the thought in his mind over and over. When the thought wouldn't stick, he amended it. Why isn't that disgusting?

An answer came from nowhere, and it caused him to blush. Because you want the same thing, don't you? Not the doctor, but to lose yourself in another?

Hisoka lowered his head into his hands, and this time when he called Tsuzuki's name, his voice held an edge of desperation. "Tsuzuki..."

Tsuzuki sat quiet, head down, arms no longer pressed against himself. His hands lay face up in his lap, his attitude of contemplating something invisible in them. At first he appeared not to have heard the single word spoken into the room's quiet. Then after a moment or two, he seemed to nod.

"It's all right, Bon," he said very calmly, very quietly. "I told you it would be all right. Everything is okay. If you... if you need to go, I understand. If you can't... if you want a new partner, I'll ask Tatsumi. Don't worry about anything. It's all right."

Lifting his head just a little, he glanced up, the glimmer of jeweled amethyst sparkling for a moment. "Thank... you, Kurosaki Hisoka, for... for everything. Every... single... breath..."

The younger Shinigami laughed, a sob on the edge of his voice, the sound lacking any mirth. Then the boy fell silent for a long time and when he did continue, he spoke in low tones, looking at the floor beneath his feet. "Stop it. Stop trying to protect me, stop trying to..."

Hisoka stopped speaking and rose abruptly from the floor. He came to stand a few feet away from his partner, his eyes flashing. "Do you know what you are, Tsuzuki?" the boy asked, matter-of-factly. "A human being. A man, like everyone else. So stop..." His voice caught, but he willed it back under control. "So stop acting like you're not. Stop acting like everyone else matters more than you do. Stop acting like I'm... like I'm..."

Tsuzuki stood up. He moved closer to Hisoka with just a couple of incredibly graceful steps. The empath found that he had to look up to meet the eyes turned down to him. To see the expression on an incredibly calm, perhaps even serene face. One of Tsuzuki's hands coasted lightly along his jaw.

" 'What if this is what I am?' " he said softly, the barest of smiles hovering at the corners of his mouth. "Do you know what you are, Hisoka? I do know what I am... I... finally... know what I am... as much as I ever will." Bending, he pressed a soft, warm kiss to Hisoka's lips and then straightened.

"I'm free," he said simply.

"Free..." Hisoka repeated, understanding the word on more than one level. Then he shook his head softly. "I don't want another partner. I want to know what you know, someday. But for now, I'm a Shinigami. I think... I have time to see... what I will be." He almost smiled at the next thought, even though it made his eyes burn with unshed tears. "Maybe I'll be... free, like you."

A second hand joined the first, cupping around Hisoka's face. Tsuzuki bent slowly and this time the kiss was not brief but deep and passionate, a kiss that made demands of the empath, demands to respond, demands to give. But all with the understanding that it was his choice.

The boy fell into the kiss hungrily, gratefully, all that had happened in the room moments before making him feel too many things, leaving him vulnerable. The closeness of the other man was more than just a comfort, more than a satisfaction, it was something to hold onto. He wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki's back, and let it all wash over him.

The kiss seemed to last for a long time. When the two finally found themselves breathing deeply and looking into each other's eyes, the moon had risen to peek into the window next to Tsuzuki's bed. Tsuzuki looked down into those amazing green eyes, the one's he'd believed he could never face again. Willfully drowning in them, he began very slowly to unfasten Hisoka's clothes and remove them, dropping each piece on a nearby chair.

"Tsuzuki," the boy breathed, the painful ache in his groin pulsating with each touch, each article of clothing the man removed. His heart burned with something like fire, and spread into the rest of his chest. He'd never cared this much about anything, anyone, and it was simultaneously the worst and best feeling he'd ever had. "Tsuzuki," he said again, and placed his hand at the collar of his partner's shirt, silently suggesting that he get undressed as well.

Tsuzuki's mouth curved and he placed his hand over Hisoka's and moved the boy's fingers to loosen his tie and begin to unbutton the shirt buttons, leaving him to continue or stop. Meanwhile, he began kissing Hisoka's neck and shoulders with unhurried attention.

Hisoka undid the puzzle of Tsuzuki's tie, letting the item drop beside him in the bed and soon had the man's upper body bare. The slowness of Tsuzuki's kisses nearly drove him wild, but he did not say anything, only reveled in them. The boy arched his back a little, exposing more of his throat, and held the man above him tightly, unbreakably.

Continuing to nuzzle the boy's skin, Tsuzuki's hands moved down and found the fastening of his jeans, still moving at the same unhurried pace. He pushed them down and off his hips, hands cupping and kneading Hisoka's rear. Licking along the pulse-point at his jugular, Tsuzuki felt incredibly calm, as well as the rising flood of heat that he was bringing to them both.

Feeling the rest of his body exposed, Hisoka moaned softly at the hands on his rear, the tongue on his neck. He wanted to ask Tsuzuki to go faster, as he had before, but found that the man's sense of calm was contagious, and he could bear the sedate pace. Pulling the other man's mouth to his own, Hisoka kissed him, slowly, sweetly, fixing his elegant hands in dark hair.

The kiss became warmer and warmer as Tsuzuki accepted Hisoka's invasion and responded to it unreservedly. His hands tightened a little more and then Hisoka felt himself lifted and turned, and then was tumbled onto his back on the bed which was becoming more and more a familiar place to end the day. With an almost delighted smile, Tsuzuki climbed over him, leaning above Hisoka, taking a moment to let his eyes travel up and down his partner's body.

The smile on his partner's face went right to Hisoka's chest, and it almost made him want to answer the expression. It was a true smile, Hisoka thought, one Tsuzuki seemed to have found for himself, not others. He watched his partner watching him and gave into the urge without hesitation to touch Tsuzuki's beautifully defined chest and let his hands travel lower, brushing across the man's erection. Not to tease, but to ask...

Tsuzuki's eyes closed at the touch and his hips shifted, pushing his flesh against Hisoka's hands. Leaning a little onto his side, he freed one arm from his weight so he could trail fingers along Hisoka's chest, belly and then capture the boy's shaft in a firm grip. He gave the warm flesh a couple of slow pumps, and then slid his hand further down to explore the sac beneath and its rounded contents. Delicately he massaged those ovals, watching as the bead of liquid formed a response on Hisoka's erection's tip.

Hisoka let out a long sigh, his partner's hand having become a comfort. He closed his eyes and moved beneath the touches, and in that moment, thought of nothing other than Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki who ate too much, was a little lazy, didn't have the world's greatest work ethic... and Tsuzuki who smiled at him, held his hand, loved him.

"Tsuzuki," the boy sighed, opening desire-clouded eyes, and he moved his hand to brush across the older Shinigami's cheek. Hisoka wanted to stay there, just being touched, for as long as he could.

Tsuzuki watched Hisoka's face mirror his physical reactions, and watched as those huge green eyes began to mirror his feelings as well. Usually so guarded... but how simple it was. Like Tsuzuki himself, his secret was that he simply needed to be loved.

Tsuzuki touched the bead of clear fluid with his thumb and watched it break, smearing it gently around the tip. Bending closer he kissed Hisoka deeply. Drawing back a little later, he touched his forehead to Hisoka's. "Ai shiteru, Hisoka," he said softly, because the boy needed to hear it. Blinking a little moisture out of his eyes, he added, "It's easy to love you, Bon."

The words washed over Hisoka, like the other man's touches, and he wondered briefly if his heart could contain it all. His heart that he'd had to protect for so long... It was safe to love Tsuzuki? It was safe to trust Tsuzuki? Something told him yes, and it was the answer he wanted.

I'm easy to love? the boy wondered silently, and knew that it was a statement he normally would have questioned. But it was so easy to accept now, here in this room. The warmth and nearness of Tsuzuki's face to his own made him close his eyes again, and he heard himself whisper, "I love you, too. I don't want another partner. I want you." Then he kissed the older man slowly, wrapping his arms around his back.

Giving himself fully to the kiss, Tsuzuki wanted to hush his partner. The words were not important. Not when they had finally found the trust. Not when he had found his freedom... freedom to give but also to take.

Sliding his fingers down between his partner's legs, he rubbed them gently against the opening there. They were still coated with a little of the secretion of Hisoka's body. Insistently, he circled the opening, massaging the ring of muscle, and then slowly pushed the first finger inside. Carefully he probed, circling within, finding the special place and then returning to it again and again.

Hisoka felt Tsuzuki's fingers move inside him and gasped before letting his body relax. He rose upon a wave of pleasure, his back arching against his will, and he tightened his grip on Tsuzuki's body. He kissed any part of the man his lips could come in contact with - his shoulder, neck, face - all the while letting their earlier words wash through his mind. The words no one had ever said to him, the words he'd never said to anyone. Part of him found it curious that he could feel this way.

Continuing to hold onto the man, he moved his legs further apart, exposing himself to the invasion, and finally fell back upon a pillow, breathing heavily.

Slowly Tsuzuki stretched his lover, pleasuring him at the same time. When Hisoka lay back with his legs spread apart, Tsuzuki moved over and between them. Bending down, he gently kissed the upthrust male flesh of his partner, his tongue moving out to wrap around its tip. After tasting Hisoka's body, he swallowed and licked, priming him to the edge of his ecstasy. At last he raised his head, imprinting the image of Hisoka into his mind. Withdrawing his fingers, he moved up a little and the boy could feel Tsuzuki's erection pressing slowly into him.

Hisoka tried to relax his body even more, but the feeling was so great, it made his heart race and his breath catch. The boy's delicate frame drew itself into a deep arc, and he tried to help the man go deeper, re-angling himself. The young Shinigami slowed his breathing enough to get out his partner's name, blinking his eyes shut and losing himself in the act.

It was a dance of fulfillment for both. Placing his hands on either side of Hisoka's body, to keep his weight from crushing the boy, Tsuzuki moved between Hisoka's legs with a gradually increasing rhythm, bending to plant light kisses across his face and body. His breathing became rapid, gasping a little as he moved faster, the impact harder as they both began to approach the crest of their pleasure.

Hisoka felt alive. Tsuzuki made him feel alive, made him feel all the things he'd been afraid to feel. His body spiraled higher in concert with his mind, and it was all he could do to keep from crying out, his control laying somewhere just out of reach. In a swift movement, the boy wrapped his legs around Tsuzuki's waist, attempting to pull the man further into himself, to bring them further into each other.

The movement brought them together, Tsuzuki responding with more force than he'd used before, one of his arms sliding under Hisoka's arched back to hold him tightly. Tsuzuki gasped again and his body began to shudder but he continued to move against his partner until he felt an answering release. Pressing his face into Hisoka's neck, he rode the last of his climax, murmuring Hisoka's name against his skin.

Tremors still moving through his body, the boy let loose his hold of Tsuzuki's back and moved his hands into the man's hair, cradling his head against his neck. He did not want to move from the position, his lover against him, and buried his face in that dark hair, its scent surrounding him. "Tsuzuki," he mumbled, the name all he could think to say.

After a little while, Hisoka felt soft lips move against his skin. Then a deep warm breath. Arms moved around him and shifted until he was resting alongside Tsuzuki. He could feel the light touch of a hand stroking his skin.

The boy sighed softly at the touch, turning onto his side to lay an arm across Tsuzuki's waist. He lay his head on the man's arm, gazing towards the window and the moon outside. "Can we stay... like this?" he asked, his voice barely making it a question.

"For a while," Tsuzuki said softly. He brushed some of the honey-colored silk from Hisoka's face. "And we can come back. As often as you want to."

Satisfied with the answer, Hisoka let a small smile curve his lips, and he closed his eyes, already dreaming about the next time they would 'come back'.

TBC

After the Bargain: Part 6

Love & Gundams