10-Mar-2002
Yami no Matsuei: After the Bargain
by bonne, von and cassiopeia
For this sequel, Cassiopeia is co-authoring and writing the POV of Hisoka.
Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: After the Bargain
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com), vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com) and Cassiopeia (Cassiopeia@gundamwing.net)
Category: yaoi, angst
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Tsuzuki x Hisoka, later Muraki x Oriya, Muraki + Tsuzuki
Spoilers: Series
WARNINGS: Lemon, Angst, Tsuzuki may appear a bit OOC at times
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here.
As with all our fics, while our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any discrepancies are our mistakes.
Feedback: Any and all comments welcome, be they short or long.
After the Bargain: Part 2
Hisoka's robe billowed slightly in the cool night breeze, his hair falling into his eyes as he stared up into the moonlight. So red, casting it's glow down upon the grassy hill below, the tree there breaking its rays.
A man stood, his back to the boy, and he struggled to see past him, behind him, to whatever it was that occupied his arms. He was white, as white as the moon should have been...
The man had turned, and Hisoka found himself in a warm grasp, the cool night air licking at his naked body. A few white flashes, and he closed his eyes, a pain he'd never felt ripping at his body. When he again opened them, he saw Tsuzuki over him, his amethyst eyes mingling, mixing with silver.
The voice he heard then was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. "Bon..."
Sighing softly, Tsuzuki clutched the pillow a little more closely to him, rubbing his cheek against it. He felt a delicious relaxation and did not want to open his eyes. At the same time, he felt a warmth that seemed to call to him... the pillow was so warm... and soft... against his cheek it felt like silk. The warmth spread through his body and then seemed to settle in his middle, and slowly sink lower. Suddenly his cheeks seemed to feel hot, almost feverish, and he pressed them against the cool silk... strands of silk...
Opening his eyes, he was confused not to see the rumpled white of a pillowcase next to him. Sandy strands of honey silk... dark lashes... creamy skin...
All the air left his lungs in a sudden exhale. Then a gasp indrawn. Then it all started coming back very quickly. He started to loosen his embrace, then purple eyes darkened and his arms tightened again. "Bon..."
Hisoka awoke with a start, a light sheen of sweat covering his forehead. He was disoriented at first, not sure of where he was or who he was with. Or why he should be with anybody.
He'd been outside a moment ago, in the cool night air. It was warm here, and someone was holding him. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, Tsuzuki's scent coming inside of him and surrounding him, calming his racing heart. He was safe here...
"Tsuzuki," he mumbled, content to leave it at that.
Licking his lips, Tsuzuki watched his partner relax in his arms. He tried to think why. He tried to think of what to say, to explain his actions. At the same time, he felt an unfamiliar fierce possessiveness that berated him internally for needing any explanation, any excuse. He's my partner, he thought, as if this explained it. Mine...
"Hisoka," he managed, not sure what to follow it with. He settled for watching those impossibly wide green eyes.
Hisoka let his eyes go out of focus for a moment, then zero-in on Tsuzuki's purple gaze. He almost let himself smile, the color one of the things he'd grown quite fond of, but stopped, sure there was something he was supposed to be looking for there. An influence he'd felt earlier...
The boy rose in the bed a little, moving until he was nose to nose with the older man. He squinted, intent on searching out anything he could find in Tsuzuki's amethyst eyes. But nothing... he found nothing.
As Hisoka came closer, those wide green eyes seemed to glow larger, their sparkle filling Tsuzuki's vision. So beautiful... so sensitive... hiding so much pain somewhere inside, but so much courage as well. I'm not worthy of him, Tsuzuki thought suddenly, and his own eyes seemed to shimmer. But that odd fierceness was still within him, and it flared as he placed his hands around Hisoka's face and suddenly kissed him, deeply and hungrily.
Hisoka gasped a little, taken slightly off guard, but quickly melted into the movement, his own hands finding their way around Tsuzuki's shoulders, pulling the man closer. His open mouth invited his partner inside, and he quickly began to forget his concern of a moment ago. He liked the special kind of warmth they were able to generate together, like nothing else he'd ever felt. Like nothing else that could exist in the world.
Tsuzuki accepted the invitation of Hisoka's willing mouth and kissed the younger Shinigami with feverish heat. I've been so stupid, a part of him thought. Why have I held back from this? You know why, he answered himself. You never dreamed he'd accept you. You knew you weren't worthy...
Fuck worthy, Tsuzuki thought, a part of him shocked at his own reaction. Where did that ever get me?
Pulling back suddenly, his mouth parted from Hisoka's and he stared at the green-eyed boy, his own eyes wide and almost shocked. Almost panicked.
Hisoka stared at his partner, eyes showing immediate concern. "Tsuzuki?" he asked, "What's wrong?" The boy cursed himself for allowing the distraction of Tsuzuki's kiss... but it always felt so good. No, Tsuzuki was more important than his own desires, than either of their desires.
"I don't want to hurt you..." Tsuzuki whispered.
"Hurt me?" Hisoka asked, not quite understanding.
"I hurt everything," Tsuzuki answered, his voice barely audible. "I wanted to protect you... but how can I protect you, like this?" His eyes held a hint of something, a touch of buried hysteria perhaps. A throb of something on the words, 'wanted to protect you'.
"Not me. You don't hurt me," Hisoka said, his voice carrying an amount of anger, that one emotion easier to feel than all the others he carried inside. "And what if I wanted to protect you, too? Why can't..." The boy paused, looking down. "Why can't we protect each other?"
"Me?" Tsuzuki stuttered. He took a deep breath, Hisoka's tone cutting through the habit of his self-abnegation. Then, he reached up and touched Hisoka's cheek, his thumb brushing the side of his mouth. His expression calmed. "Of course we can," he said, his voice more normal, almost confident. "Why shouldn't we?" Then he smiled.
Dummy, Hisoka thought, and only barely stopped himself from saying it aloud. Tsuzuki didn't know... how could he? His partner, the only person who'd ever treated him... treated him like someone, rather than something. Hisoka wanted to tell him how much he meant to him, how much it frightened him when he smiled like that, pretending everything was okay. But he couldn't, not now.
Instead, he turned his face into Tsuzuki's touch, sighing as he closed his eyes. "Yeah."
Tsuzuki moved his thumb, brushing it across Hisoka's lower lip sensuously. "I never thought," he said slowly, watching the boy's reactions avidly. "Never thought you would want this... I guess, I *am* a dummy, after all, hmm, Bon?"
Hisoka didn't open his eyes, not wanting anything other than to feel the man's hand on his skin, as he asked softly, "Why? Why didn't you?"
"Because of what he did," Tsuzuki answered, licking his lips. For a moment he had an odd flash of thought. Perhaps the pale doctor had seen, somehow knew what was under Hisoka's cool surface. Every time Tsuzuki thought of Muraki in connection with what he had done to Hisoka, he felt a fierce protective rage. But for just one second, he felt an odd slip of focus, and thought, I understand why he could not leave this alone...
The boy's eyes came open, and he very purposefully moved over Tsuzuki until he was lying fully atop the other man. "But you're not him," he said, as if that explained away any doubts either of them could ever have.
"I..." Hisoka found his voice would not continue, and he settled his chin against Tsuzuki's shoulder, nuzzling into his partner's warm chest. He wanted to stay there. He... he needed to stay there.
Tsuzuki blinked, his eyes nearly crossing as he accepted Hisoka's weight along his body. But what if I'm worse, a little familiar voice in his head chimed in, but his arms were already settling around Hisoka's body. "I see your point," he managed. He tried to keep the smile off his face and failed.
His hands moved, stroking along the smooth bare skin. "So... everything is all right," he murmured, relaxing slightly.
Hisoka felt his partner relax and he wanted him to stay that way. He wouldn't lie, though. "Not... everything," he said firmly, "But this. This seems all right..."
Actually, it's more than all right, Hisoka thought, his body beginning to react to being so close to the other man, smooth skin to smooth skin. A now familiar fire began to grow in his stomach, and began to kiss Tsuzuki's neck, slowly, softly.
Shivering slightly, Tsuzuki leaned his head back a little, exposing his throat. Settling his hands over the double curve of Hisoka's rear, he sighed. His own body was reacting to the contact with the warm weight resting on him. His mind drifted in a slowly but insistently growing warmth. "Then..." he mumbled absently, "As long as we stay in bed, we're ok!"
The statement was a bucket of cold water to Hisoka, and he felt the warmth that had been growing around him leave in a flurry, like wind blowing out a fire. That was all Tsuzuki thought he was good for? That was all Tsuzuki... wanted him for? To stay in his bed?
The boy frowned, pushing out of the other's embrace, and he was out of the bed, standing and looking for his clothes. "You can stay in bed if you want," he said, voice neutral, "but I have a meeting to go to." He sighed, bending to retrieve his jeans. "I *had* a meeting to go to."
Tsuzuki sat up, his face showing extreme and almost comical distress. "But... but..." One of his hands drifted up and towards Hisoka. Suddenly, his stomach growled. Loudly.
Pulling on his jeans, Hisoka said absently over his shoulder, "You should do something about that. And then I suggest you head over to the agency. I don't think Tatsumi's going to be too happy with either of us today. At least my track record is better than yours."
Suddenly Tsuzuki was on his feet, naked but apparently uncaring of it. He moved with quick, almost deadly grace, and Hisoka found himself suddenly being turned around and pressed against the nearest wall. "You think you can crawl all over me and then run off so easily," the Shinigami growled in a voice Hisoka had never heard before. "Oh no..." His mouth came down on the green-eyed boy's, kissing him fiercely before he leaned back just far enough to observe the reaction.
Tsuzuki had knocked the breath out of Hisoka, and the boy fought to catch it once again through the man's fierce kiss. He didn't even bother to struggle, only let his partner savage his mouth, and the boy's knees began to give out beneath him.
He had to let Tsuzuki support most of his weight, and felt his face coloring. He felt angry and afraid, but mostly... something far more pleasant. "Tsuzuki," he gasped with too little aspiration, "Tsuzuki, you..."
He stopped trying to speak then, and hoped the man would keep him from falling to the floor.
He was held, pinned almost, as the purple-eyed Shinigami watched his face. A little smile seemed to curve his lips for a few moments. "It's all a front, isn't it?" he murmured. "That cold face... just a front to hide what you really are..." Bending forward again, he kissed Hisoka's lips, catching the lower one between his teeth for a second or two, then kissed his neck over the jugular, grazing the skin with his teeth and licking with his tongue. Somewhere far away inside a part of him was frozen with sudden horror, leaving the newer, hotter impulse to do as it would.
Yes, it is a front, Hisoka thought, but could never say it aloud. 'What you really are... ' The doctor had told Hisoka what he really was, once. The doctor claimed to know of all the dark, secret desires lurking beneath his green depths. The doctor had said Hisoka enjoyed it... But you didn't have nightmares about something you enjoyed... did you?
What am I? he wondered. And what was Tsuzuki... that was the question he most wanted an answer to. But later.
"Tsuzuki," he gasped once again, still not able to catch his breath. He had grown hard, the pants confining him, and wanted to wrap himself inside Tsuzuki somewhere, to climb into the other's body. The boy was engulfed in flame, twice as hot as before on the bed, and he struggled not to beg the man to take him.
He put the request in his voice, saying over and over again, "Tsuzuki..."
The throb in Hisoka's voice only incited a fever which seemed to burn up from some unknown depth in Tsuzuki's soul. Licking Hisoka's neck, he lifted his head finally to look into those heat-clouded eyes. Holding Hisoka against the wall with one arm, he reached down to the half-zipped jeans and pushed the zipper down again, slender fingers finding their way inside to wrap around pulsing flesh. "Bon... something you want?"
Groaning, Hisoka moved into the touch as much as he could, hips coming away from the wall slightly. This was painful... he felt he was going to burn up soon, like a used up piece of wood. The man wasn't seriously going to make him say it, was he? As he felt Tsuzuki's grasp tighten around his stiff flesh, he knew the answer to his own question.
He was. He was definitely going to make him say it.
Hisoka resisted at first, turning his head to the side as he moaned out an unintelligible entreaty, then bit his lip, the pain distracting him for a moment. But only a moment.
"Tsuzuki," he ground out through clenched teeth, "Tsuzuki..." No, he wouldn't say it. He couldn't...
A soft, low chuckle against his ear tickled his sensitive skin. Those fingers shifted and moved along his length teasingly. Warm lips kissed his earlobe, his shoulder, the corner of his mouth. "At least you know my name..."
As the torture continued, Hisoka found he could barely hear Tsuzuki's voice anymore. All thoughts, feelings, and senses had come down to one solitary thing. His name... god, Tsuzuki's name was the only thing he could remember right then.
He needed... he needed... he wasn't quite sure what he needed. No, he knew. He needed the man to fill him, join them together, one fire meeting one fire. And he didn't care if they burned each other up or not.
"Tsuzuki," he tried again, this time putting a bit of a pleading quality to his voice. Surely his partner had a shred of decency and would end his suffering...
Another kiss invaded Hisoka's mouth, tongue simulating the act that he was aching for. Suddenly the tormenting fingers around his cock withdrew and he was lifted off the floor, carried a few feet back to the bed, and dropped onto its surface. Deft hands tugged at the jeans, pulling them down to his knees. He found himself facing the sheets as a firm hand explored his backside, stroking it suggestively and dipping fingers into the cleft.
Watching himself from some distant corner just beyond the consuming flames of lust and desire, one part of Tsuzuki felt the rising of fear, sorrow, and a smothering guilt. Unable to do more than watch, he felt as if he were being held in his mind with scarlet tethers...
His voice muffled by the bedding, Hisoka gasped out, "Bastard! Asshole..." the pleasure he was feeling from the act obvious. He knew this wasn't Tsuzuki... not the Tsuzuki he had come to know. But perhaps that was for the best, perhaps this side of the man needed to come out. Perhaps Hisoka could help his partner by letting him...
No, I'm not that noble, Hisoka thought, the man's invading fingers exciting him beyond reason. This was for himself. Selfish. It probably would have been a bit painful in any other circumstance, but the burning fire Tsuzuki had ignited in him drowned everything else out, even pain. Even the thoughts that lurked in the corners of his mind... of how this was so similar to something that had happened once before, long ago. But he hadn't enjoyed that... no, never enjoyed that... He had his nightmares. His proof.
The muffled curses evoked another soft chuckle from Tsuzuki's lips as he worked his fingers in and out of the boy beneath him, firmly but not roughly, seeking the special contact that would reward his partner for his wanton behavior. The part of him that watched was becoming more agitated, fighting the inner bonds as each moment brought him closer to the inevitable act they were poised on the edge of.
The aspect of himself, so unfamiliar, that was in control accepted the looming wrongness that he felt surrounding him. It was so obvious the boy wanted it. And he wanted it.
The suffering part of himself that watched, wept, because this was not how he wanted it to happen. Why, why couldn't the telepath tell what was happening? Why didn't he do something to stop it?
He doesn't want to stop it, you fool, the inner voice replied. He wants you. Give him what he wants...
Hisoka struggled to move back further onto the man's fingers, wanting this to go deeper, deep enough to dround everything else out. He felt an almost resistance in the other's touch, as if Tsuzuki were holding back. The boy didn't want that, not at all. Something told him that once this was over, everything would be all right. That once he and Tsuzuki were together, everything would work out.
He'd only ever been with one man before, the doctor. He could replace that memory, the one that had haunted him for so long, with this one. He could exchange one face for another, and the nightmares would go away for good. He wouldn't need them anymore.
Please, Tsuzuki, Hisoka thought. Please give this to me...
Suddenly Tsuzuki felt an odd calm steal through his midnight soul. Bending, he kissed the back of Hisoka's neck. Gently his fingers withdrew from the boy's quivering body. Before Hisoka could react, protest, Tsuzuki pulled him up from the face-down position, climbing onto the bed and pulling Hisoka across his lap. His hands moved to pulled the jeans the rest of the way off the boy's legs, freeing him. He looked up, his eyes a darker purple, almost indigo, but the spark in them still there, shining from an interminable depth. He lifted Hisoka a little and then positioned him in a new way - straddling his lap, where Tsuzuki's erection showed his own arousal and excitement. With this act, he simply handed control over to the younger boy along with his desire, and acceptance of whatever would follow.
"Ai shiteru, Hisoka," he whispered, something crystal glimmering at the corner of one eye.
Hisoka wasn't sure which hit him harder, the sudden movement of being sat in Tsuzuki's lap, or the words the other man had spoken. He had changed the rules, redrawn the encounter along unforeseen lines. His partner wasn't playing fair anymore...
Not sure what to do or say, the green-eyed Shinigami struggled with which of his instincts to listen to. His passion had not faded any, but Tsuzuki's words... they hurt. His chest burned with the pain of it... he loved him? No one was supposed to love him. No one, especially not this beautiful, compassionate one. This one that he... that he...
"Tsuzuki," the boy whispered, eyes wide and then lowering, half-lidded. Hisoka raised his body and moved his head forward at the same time, lowering himself onto Tsuzuki's erection and kissing the man at once, both actions causing him immense pleasure.
Tsuzuki gasped into the kiss as he felt the hot, tight sensation enclosing him. His arms settled around Hisoka's waist firmly, steadying him, holding him as he mingled his tongue with the green-eyed boy's. The several parts of his inner self seemed to merge at that moment, in perfect agreement as he lost himself in the feeling. Then his body took over and his hips moved, thrusting upward into the tight heat with power and urgency.
Hisoka fell away from his partner's mouth, his head thrown back in a cry of ecstasy. It felt good, too good, and his mind raced to record every moment of feeling, every sound either of them made.
The boy helped the man in the act, and soon their bodies came together in a purposeful rhythm, Hisoka's arms clutched tightly around the man's strong back. Tsuzuki had touched a place deep inside, and he never wanted the feeling this caused to end. He never wanted to be empty, without the man, again.
"Tsuzuki," he gasped, trying to move faster, even though he knew that this would cause their dance to end.
Slipping his hands up and around Hisoka's back, Tsuzuki felt the flexing of those strong legs straddling him, moving the boy with an increasing pace and his lips curved slightly as he gasped and panted with the incredible sensations building between them. All doubts washed away by Hisoka's body rocking on his, he took a deep breath and then tumbled the boy over and onto his back, never allowing them to move apart from each other. Bracing himself on one arm, his hips worked faster, plunging deeper, hammering that sensitive spot inside his partner's body even as the tight friction sent waves of pleasure through his own. He felt the sudden tension and release as he crashed over the edge, surrendering his seed as he continued to thrust into Hisoka's fevered body.
As Hisoka landed on his back, he knew he was gone, Tsuzuki slipping deeper inside of him, his body taking every thrust with greed. This was what he'd wanted, the man over him, taking him, even as he resisted belonging to anyone with the last shreds of his consciousness. Yes, Tsuzuki could have this part of himself. Just this one part...
The boy felt his partner's release, only slightly ahead of his own, and he came, an explosion of light that left him blinking back tears. He tried to focus on his own rapid breaths, unsure how long he could hold back the moisture behind his eyes.
Feeling his partner shudder beneath him, Tsuzuki lost track of everything for a little while. The next moment he was aware of, he was moving beside Hisoka, trying not to crush the boy with the weight of his spent and relaxing body. Pulling Hisoka against him, he cradled him in his arms, his lips brushing honey colored hair, flushed cheeks and anything else he could reach. There was a calmness stealing over him that allowed him to understand that very soon he would have to face all the implications of the day's actions. He felt somehow that perhaps he could face them after all.
Hisoka allowed himself to be held, to be kissed, a wave of relaxation washing over him, welcome and warm. "Tsuzuki," he sighed, and finished the thought silently, a small lump rising in his throat. I love you too, Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki smiled a little, hearing his name. "Hisoka," he murmured in reply. Feeling the air moving in and out of his lungs, he stilled, his last movement to brush fingertips along Hisoka's side. Sighing, he opened his eyes to watch his partner's face. "Gomen ne."
The boy smiled, something he was starting to feel less self-conscious about, and mumbled through sleep-laden lips, "Sorry? For what?"
"I almost did something terrible," Tsuzuki answered, his voice a little husky, but calm.
Hisoka opened his eyes a little wider, choosing his words carefully. "Almost doesn't count. And I'm not... I'm not helpless. Not at all." He tried to sound sure of what he was saying, though he wasn't entirely.
"Aren't you?" Tsuzuki said softly, an odd smile curving his lips. He sighed softly. "I don't know what is driving you, Bon. I don't know what is driving me. Something... but not what. And if I'd known... that you wanted this... well, I know it now. Not why, but at least I know that you do," he said, sighing again.
The boy frowned a bit, tired and not wanting to discuss this right now. But he did want to help Tsuzuki... more than anything. "I offered to help you find out what is driving you," he reminded the man, his voice drifting towards irritability. "What's driving me... I don't know. But I'm not the issue right now, am I?" Maybe that would put him off...
A soft kiss was pressed to his forehead. "Keep your secrets," Tsuzuki murmured. His smile was tender and perhaps just a little sad, but not tragic. "I know you offered. But when you did, I didn't know anything was wrong. Now..." he took a breath and released it, shrugging self-effacingly. Watching the green eyed boy, he added, "You know I couldn't let you do something that would harm you, if I could stop it."
Hisoka felt a familiar guilt well up inside him. Every time he was rude or irritable or anything else towards Tsuzuki, the man answered him with kindness. And understanding. Sympathy. The man could anger him like no other, but he was finding the emotion increasingly difficult to sustain. Especially when Tsuzuki kissed him like he just had, or looked at him with those compassionate eyes.
"I'd ask you to let *me* decide what will and won't harm me, but I don't think it'd do any good." Hisoka sighed, placing a soft, chaste kiss on his partner's lips. Softly, he added, "You have to do something."
Tsuzuki blinked. "I do?" I did something, he thought, holding onto the fragile peace he found somewhere.
Hisoka nodded. "You do. We do. You're my partner, right?"
His answer was a kiss. "What do we have to do?"
The boy seemed to think about it for a minute, then came to a conclusion. "Right now, sleep. After that... we can figure out later."
"Yes, Bon," Tsuzuki said, a little smile playing around his lips. He leaned forward and kissed the green-eyed boy's nose. Then he settled himself comfortably beside his partner.
TBC