9-Mar-2002
Yami no Matsuei: After the Bargain
by bonne, von and cassiopeia
We wrote a story called "The Bargain". This is a 6 part sequel to that story. The original story can be found here: http://www.no-assumptions.com/gundamwing/ynm-bargain.htm
For this sequel, Cassiopeia is co-authoring and writing the POV of Hisoka.
Series: Yami no Matsuei
Title: After the Bargain
Author: bonnejeanne (bonnejeanne@yahoo.com), vonceia (vonceia@yahoo.com) and Cassiopeia (Cassiopeia@gundamwing.net)
Category: yaoi, angst
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Tsuzuki x Hisoka, later Muraki x Oriya, Muraki + Tsuzuki
Spoilers: Series
WARNINGS: Lemon, Angst, Tsuzuki may appear a bit OOC at times
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei characters and universe are the property of the copyright owners. Our stuff is ours. No money being made here.
As with all our fics, while our goal is to stay as in character as possible, any discrepancies are our mistakes.
Feedback: Any and all comments welcome, be they short or long.
After the Bargain: Part 1
Hisoka wasn't really surprised to find his partner still in bed when he came to get him for a meeting. One reason was that Tsuzuki was a well-known slacker and could laze away any day if allowed to do so. The other reason was because Hisoka knew the purple-eyed Shinigami had not been in his room all night until the wee hours. He knew because he had had a very disturbing dream and had gotten up, compelled against his will, and gone to Tsuzuki's room in the middle of the night. To find it empty.
Yawning, Tsuzuki managed to make it to the door somehow, even though his sheet, so little slept in, had managed in the hour or two he'd been sacked out to wind around his legs and was dragging behind him on the floor.
"Oh... oh, Hisoka!" he said, fisting his eyes, which were a little red around the rims. He smiled absently and left the door open, returning to fall back across the bed.
Hisoka followed Tsuzuki inside, shaking his head. "There's a meeting this afternoon, you know," he said, sounding a tad more annoyed than he meant to. He was worried about Tsuzuki. Something wasn't right, and he could feel it, much as he tried not to.
"Hmm? Oh, a meeting... today?" Tsuzuki seemed a little more disoriented that just one sleepless night might account for. He yawned hugely and stretched. "This afternoon... then I have plenty of time, ne?" Raising his arm, he looked for his watch, only to find it on the other wrist... odd. Peering at the face, a look of dismay appeared on his mobile features. "It's... it's already past noon!"
Hisoka hesitated a moment, not sure if he should ask, but deciding he had to. He sat on the edge of Tsuzuki's bed, asking, "Are you okay? You seem...off to me."
"Of course I'm okay!" the older Shinigami exclaimed as he leveled himself up from the bed. He was dressed in - aside from the still tangled sheet - his underwear, socks, and a dress shirt. His pants and shoes from the previous day were on the floor and his coat was flung carelessly over a chair. Disentangling himself from the sheet, he yawned and then made for the shower cubicle. As he went, the dress shirt's sleeves fell down, uncuffed, they seemed a little long for his arms. In fact the shirt draped on him almost as if he'd shrunken a little bit, though he was certainly not any smaller. "Just a minute... I'll be quick, I promise," he called back to Hisoka, dropping the shirt behind him as he stepped around the partition into the shower alcove. The sound of running water followed.
Annoyed, Hisoka watched Tsuzuki go. "Dummy," he whispered to himself. Well, if Tsuzuki didn't want to talk to him, that was his problem.
Hisoka rose from the bed, looking around the room. Filthy... god, what a slob. His eyes paused on the fallen shirt for a moment, and he couldn't quite resist the urge to pick it up. He didn't really want to clean Tsuzuki's room for him (that would just encourage his slovenly ways), but that shirt. It seemed almost to call him.
He knelt down and retrieved the cloth from the floor, the sounds of Tsuzuki's shower growing louder as he neared the cubicle. As soon as the material touched his hand, however, the noise died away and all he could see was darkness.
Hisoka wanted to drop the cloth, but he didn't have the will. A face loomed in his mind, a face he didn't want to see just then. Pale, white... too white. Why was he seeing Muraki? And what... what were these feelings?
He finally summoned the strength to drop the discarded shirt, and he backed away from it violently. He didn't like the things the shirt was telling him. Not at all...
He hadn't realized how long he'd been standing there with the shirt in his hand. When he looked up, Tsuzuki was emerging from behind the partition, naked and damp, covered only by a towel around his hips. He was rubbing his hair absently with another. He looked at Hisoka with a wide-eyed expression. The boy's features were giving him away.
"Hisoka - what's wrong?" he asked, coming over with concern written across his face. He seemed remarkably unselfconscious about his lack of clothing.
The boy tried to reorient his mind to the present, but it was difficult. He registered Tsuzuki standing before him, but not much else. It took a moment for him to realize that his partner was nude. And very wet.
His eyes went wide and he blushed furiously, turning towards the door, his back to Tsuzuki. "N...nothing. I'm fine. You should get dressed...the meeting's soon." As he spoke, the boy hugged himself, trying not to think about the one thing he wanted to think about. Tsuzuki's beautiful body, Tsuzuki's close proximity. Tsuzuki at all.
Tsuzuki blinked, still rubbing his hair dry. He took in Hisoka's flushed face and the stiffness of his back. Suddenly he looked down at himself and a bit of color tinged his cheeks as well. He looked around the room as if wondering what he was doing there. "Ah... yes... gomen, Hisoka," he mumbled. But his eyes returned to his partner's back and they seemed to linger on him for a moment. When he was turned around this way, he couldn't see those beautiful green eyes. Such eyes. It was cruel of Hisoka to deny him those eyes.
An expression that seemed a little aggressive, a bit heated flickered over his features and he took a half step towards the boy, his hand raised towards him. Then he seemed to blink, shaking his head. Turning quickly, he reached blindly into the closet for clothes and pulled them on quickly, the clean shirt clinging to the still damp spots on his torso. He pulled on socks and shoes, tucked in the shirt and grabbed a tie at random, his fingers starting to tremble a little as he wove the knot.
Hisoka stared more intently at the door, but for a moment, he thought he felt something. Something...warm coming from Tsuzuki. He shook the feeling off as he heard movement behind him, and turned to find his partner finally putting on some clothes.
Tsuzuki hadn't bothered to dry off before dressing, it seemed, and Hisoka found himself thinking critically of the older Shinigami once again. It was hardly worth the trouble to dress if your skin was still going to show through your clothing. And Tsuzuki had rather pleasant skin, he had to admit.
A thought came into the boy's mind, and he wouldn't normally have voiced it, except he wanted to have a chance to try and talk to Tsuzuki again before the meeting. "We've got an hour before the meeting... if you'd like to get some breakfast... that is, if you haven't eaten..."
Tsuzuki looked up, his expression lightening. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!" he exclaimed happily. "Besides dessert..."
Sighing, Hisoka tried not to make a derisive comment. "We can go wherever you want... the cafe on the corner. I don't care." As he spoke, he moved towards the door, ready to get out of the room.
The sunny smile remained undimmed. "Breakfast... danish!" Tsuzuki murmured, already starting to put himself in a little trance. He shrugged on a jacket and his coat. Reaching his hands into his pockets to get the room key to lock it behind them, he discovered both pockets to be empty. Frowning slightly, he looked around, but the keys were not anywhere in obvious view. Shrugging with only a slight frown, he followed Hisoka out the door and simply pulled it to. "The cafe it is," he called cheerfully.
Hisoka made note of the fact that Tsuzuki had left the door unlocked, but didn't comment on it. It was just one more fact in a growing list of oddities that left the boy concerned for his partner. He wasn't about to try and pry the information out of the older man, but...but he felt that he had to do something. If Muraki was involved in this, then it could only mean trouble.
What had the doctor done now?
It was sunny outside, the air crisp, and Hisoka found that he enjoyed walking with Tsuzuki, side by side along the slightly crowded sidewalk. The cafe wasn't far, and the silence between them was comforting. He struggled with just how he should broach the subject of what he'd seen back in Tsuzuki's room.
Taking a table, Tsuzuki waved cheerfully to the girl who came to take their order. He ordered grapefruit, two danishes, and black coffee. The girl's eyebrows raised at the last part of the order - she was quite familiar with Tsuzuki and he usually had green tea, and on the rare occasions he had coffee he always asked for extra sugar and cream.
Taking a seat across from Tsuzuki, Hisoka ordered black coffee as well, along with two slices of toast. He'd already eaten that morning and wasn't really hungry at all. "Tsuzuki...where were you last night? You didn't come in until...late."
Looking up, Tsuzuki seemed a little surprised. "Where? I wasn't..." He stopped and frowned absently. "I..." The frown increased and his eyes slid away from Hisoka and into a middle distance. "I... went walking," he said finally. "Yes... I went walking. The moonlight was... beautiful," he said, his expression a little vague. A little bit of perspiration seemed to form on his forehead, although the day, while sunny, was hardly what could be called hot.
Hisoka was intent on Tsuzuki's eyes. He recognized those eyes. He was beginning to suspect something, but resisted. "I didn't know that you liked to take walks in the middle of the night." He took note of the perspiration on Tsuzuki's forehead, his almost vacant expression, and couldn't stop himself from worrying all the more.
"I saw something," he began without waiting for Tsuzuki to answer his previous statement. "I saw something that I think you should know about."
"Saw?" Tsuzuki looked back at Hisoka, shaking the momentary vagueness off. The waitress was back with their plates and coffee. He began running the grapefruit knife around the little sections to free the meat of the fruit. "What did you see, Hisoka?"
The boy ignored the food laid before him, and instead trained his eyes on Tsuzuki's. It troubled him that he could see something else in those eyes besides their amethyst glow. "Have you been around Muraki lately? Last night, for example?"
The grapefruit knife slipped and a spurt of juice hit Tsuzuki in the cheek below his eye. He muttered a curse and grabbed a napkin, wiping his face but not before some of the acidic juice got into his eye, stinging and making it angry red. It seemed to take a moment around this mishap for him to hear what Hisoka had said. He picked up one of the two danishes and took a large bite of it. While chewing, he mumbled, "Muraki? What...?" He swallowed the bite and his expression became concerned. "Have you had some dream? Is he bothering you?" There was a kindling spark in his eyes of protective fire and something else.
Hisoka tried not to become irritated, but he could feel that Tsuzuki was avoiding the issue, consciously or not. "No dream. Back at your room, I saw him, in my mind. He was...happy." Hisoka's voice rose in volume a bit as he went on. "That's not a good sign. Ever!"
The boy got his voice back under control, and he continued at a more sedate level. "He could have done something. To your memory. He could be keeping you from knowing..."
Tsuzuki stared at Hisoka, his expression a combination of shock and something less easily defined. When he spoke, he addressed the first part of Hisoka's speech and ignored the last part.
"Hisoka..." he said slowly, his tone soft, almost troubled. "I know how much he has hurt you... and others... but do you really think even he doesn't deserve... isn't even someone like that allowed to have some kind of happiness? Is that really so wrong?"
Hisoka turned his head quickly to the side, uncomfortable suddenly with Tsuzuki's gaze. "It's not me I'm worried about. It's you. And he...Muraki...he doesn't have anything to do with me anymore. He can be happy, sad, or whatever he wants to be. As long as he's not hurting you," Hisoka stopped abruptly, and he amended the statement, "As long as he's not hurting anyone."
He resorted to his cup of coffee, holding the warm liquid just below his mouth, not really wanting to drink it, but wanting some way to end his statement. Tsuzuki's sympathy towards the doctor made him uncomfortable, even though he knew, deep down, his partner was right. It was hard to accept though. Very hard.
"Gomen nasai, Hisoka," Tsuzuki mumbled, looking down at his plate. The half-eaten danish looked back at him, but somehow he didn't feel like taking another bite. He lifted his hand to his forehead and rubbed his temples. Closing his eyes, he tried very hard to remember what he had been doing the night before. He didn't like thinking about it for some reason but he could see that Hisoka was seriously upset and he wanted to reassure his partner that everything was okay.
The memories that came back to him were of walking in the moonlight, under trees where the wind was blowing back and forth. Leaves dancing around his feet. A church, its silhouette evoking a sense of sadness. Walking. With a sense of purpose? No... no... just walking. The moon setting. The leaves... a flash of white...
Sitting up abruptly, he tried to grasp that flicker of thought but it twisted away from him leaving him sitting straight in his chair, his breathing suddenly rapid and shallow.
Taking a moment to try and calm himself, he tried to think of what to say. "I don't know, Hisoka," he said finally. Then he put all the confidence he could into his tone. "But you don't need to be worried about me. Not ever. He can't hurt me. He could only use you, or others to hurt me. But between he and I..." he shook his head. "What can he do without tools?"
Hisoka frowned at his partner, the thought of being referred to as tool a little distasteful to him. But he kept that thought quiet. There were other more important things to worry about. Like the sense of peace and calm that he'd felt come over Tsuzuki, interrupted by...by something.
This was getting them nowhere, he thought, and made a decision. Rising, he grabbed Tsuzuki by the arm, and pulled the man up out of his chair. "Come on, we need to go. I can help you." He didn't wait for an answer as he used his other hand to toss a wad of bills on the table, pulling Tsuzuki towards the cafe exit.
Startled, Tsuzuki managed to grab a napkin and pick up the one and a half danishes left on his plate and tuck them into his coat pocket for later.
Letting Hisoka pull him along, he went with the young Shinigami, his expression confused and a little bit apprehensive. "Where...?"
"We're going to have to miss the meeting. We need to go somewhere quiet...back to your room." Hisoka's voice was level, determined. What he wanted to do would be hard, but the only way he could have the courage was to keep his purpose clear in mind. He only hoped that he could keep from hurting Tsuzuki. No, he knew he could.
As soon as they arrived back at Tsuzuki's room, Hisoka sat on the edge of his partner's bed, looking down for a moment while he sighed. When he raised his head again, he looked up into amethyst eyes, preparing himself.
"Do you want to remember? I could..."
Tsuzuki leaned on the inside of the closed door, watching Hisoka, his expression changing slowly from the confusion to comprehension. A detached part of his mind reeled off a cool explanation of what was happening. Either there was something wrong, and Hisoka was right, or the boy had just gone a little further in his hatred of the mad doctor and over the edge into paranoia. If it were the former... no, even if it were the latter, what he was asking could end up hurting him terribly. Hisoka was sensitive. The pain that reached him from another's mind hurt him as much or more than the original person feeling it. Calmly, he thought, if... if... Muraki had actually done something to his mind, why couldn't it be a trap for the young telepath? Such a twist would be well within Muraki's purview. If it was not... if there was no Muraki in this... Hisoka would see more deeply into his soul than he, than anyone ever had. What if... what if that hurt him even more than Muraki could do? What if the demons lurking deep within Tsuzuki, the ones he knew all too well were there, what if they savaged the young Shinigami's mind? What if... what if seeing so much of Tsuzuki, Hisoka was disgusted? Terrified? What if he decided Tsuzuki was a worse threat than Muraki?
Tsuzuki turned his face to the door, raising his arm and leaning his face into it.
"No," he said softly.
Hisoka had been so determined in his decision, that he had failed to consider the possibility that Tsuzuki would refuse. Of course, it was obvious now that he wouldn't want to let Hisoka invade his mind...it was asking too much. And yet, he didn't want to give up. He knew something had happened, something bad. Muraki's very involvement assured that.
As long as I hate him, Hisoka thought, he has control over me. He knew it, had been told it, but still, didn't the doctor deserve his hatred? Could such a man ever deserve forgiveness? Maybe no one deserved forgiveness, he thought darkly.
Sighing again, Hisoka rose from the bed, stepping towards Tsuzuki. He stopped when he was a few feet away, raising a hand towards the man. "What are you afraid of? If it's hurting me, then you shouldn't worry. I can take care of myself. I..." He looked down, not sure what more he meant to say. Softly, he said, "I want to help you."
Tsuzuki felt his heart twist at the words. So much courage in the green-eyed boy. So much kindness. Determination. From the time he'd first began to understand what Hisoka had been through in his life, and began to understand his hurts, Tsuzuki had wanted nothing more than to protect him so his heart could heal and grow. But he knew now that Hisoka's heart had grown anyway, whether the healing came or not. He deserves... so much better, he thought inconsequentially. Taking a deep breath, he turned back around to face his partner, trying to achieve something close to the same courage.
"Thank you," he said, trying to put enough emotion into those two insignificant words. "I know you have... great courage, Hisoka. And great power, great strength. I've never doubted that. I..." He brushed his hand over his face as if trying to obscure his features. "I'm afraid for you... but mostly... mostly I'm just... afraid."
Hisoka's first instinct had been anger, but that quickly faded when Tsuzuki admitted to being afraid. He'd never felt quite as close to his partner as he did just now.
Hisoka struggled with whether or not to push the issue. On the one hand, he knew Tsuzuki would have to face the memory sooner or later. And besides, maybe he was being a little bit paranoid. Maybe nothing so awful had occurred. Somehow, he didn't think that was the case.
On the other hand, if Tsuzuki truly didn't want to remember, then there was no point in trying to force him. Hisoka thought that was partly how Muraki's hypnotism worked in the first place. He'd actually even wondered if he himself could ever be able to perform the "trick".
Hisoka moved further towards Tsuzuki, laying his hand on the man's shoulder. His voice was low as he spoke. "I think it's okay...to be afraid. But if you don't trust...me, or yourself, then...I don't know. We could do it together, but only together." He tried to smile at Tsuzuki, something he didn't do very often, and wondered if it came out right. And he wondered if he was making sense to the older man, because he was barely making sense to himself.
The light touch on Tsuzuki's shoulder brought his head up out of his hand. He stared at Hisoka, his purple eyes wide and seemed to be taking in every word. "Together..." he murmured softly. Then before Hisoka could realize what was happening, Tsuzuki leaned forward, one arm moving around his waist, and his mouth came down on Hisoka's, lips pressing warmly against his own, urging them to part. The sudden heat was unmistakable, focused, and impossible to avoid.
Hisoka froze in the other man's grasp, taken completely off guard. It was the very last thing he'd expected Tsuzuki to do. But somehow, in spite of that, he wasn't as frightened as he'd imagined that he'd be. And he had imagined, more than once, what it would be like, to be in Tsuzuki's arms. To have that soft, gentle mouth on his own. To be so close that those rich, purple eyes blurred and faded into his own. Arms so sweetly around his body...
He began to thaw a bit as Tsuzuki's lips continued to press against his own, and he let his mouth open, could hardly stop it from opening. His arms went around the other man's waist slowly, uncertainly, and he felt his heart and body race with the heat of the embrace.
At the first parting of Hisoka's lips, Tsuzuki's tongue pressed forward, dipping inside his mouth and exploring it with an energy that was both tender and at the same time a little savage. Tsuzuki's eyes closed as he sank deeper into the feeling of Hisoka in his arms, his body held against his own, his sweet mouth opening, allowing him to plunder its warm depths as he had wanted to do so many times but had never even let himself *think* about. Knowing what Hisoka had gone through, he'd carefully concealed the growing desire he had for the green-eyed boy, knowing it could never come to anything, and choosing friendship and trust over some impossible and momentary gratification. Somehow all those restraints had been slipped in an instant - he did not know how, did not know why, only knew that what he could feel and taste only made him hungry for more. He felt the response, felt even the uncertainty in the arms around him, uncertainty but not refusal... it seemed that in spite of all reason, his advance was not abhorrent to the young Shinigami. What a surprise... and what a wonderful opportunity...
The slightly foreign tone to his thoughts mingled so perfectly with his own very real attraction and desire that he did not recognize anything different. He simply knew that he was tired of holding himself back from what he desired... from what, it seemed, Hisoka too desired... why must he always martyr himself to some ridiculous fantasy of morality...
Arms tightening, the kiss became deeper as he thrust his tongue over and over into the boy's mouth, twining around Hisoka's tongue and sucking it into his own. His hands rubbed soothingly along his partner's back, one of them drifting lower to define the slight curve of his rear.
Hisoka had to be careful, he knew he had to be careful. Being this close to the other man, like *this*, it would be easy, far too easy, for him to slip into the other's mind. For the other's mind to show him things that he didn't need to see right now. Things that Tsuzuki didn't want him to see.
He pushed his well-cultivated wall out a little, protecting himself from the inevitable, and tried to concentrate on the things Tsuzuki was doing to him. The tongue on his own felt good, very good, and he tried in vain to open his mouth wider, let it further inside.
True, Tsuzuki was gripping him a little tighter than he'd have liked, and something that he felt was most likely important, something he should have paid a little more attention to, was slipping away. He was letting it slip away...
He let himself be pulled further into Tsuzuki's body, felt the other's hands on his rear, and experienced something he hadn't experienced in a long time. Maybe never, if he cared to think about it. Which he didn't.
He felt lust. A very convenient lust.
Other emotions were too complicated...all of the other emotions he felt for Tsuzuki. This was simple.
Both of them were breathing very deeply, almost gasping for the first full breath as Tsuzuki raised his head finally. He did not lift it very far, keeping his lips inches from Hisoka's. Opening his eyes, he looked into his partner's face with an expression Hisoka had never seen in those purple eyes before. It was an answering expression... lust. Desire. Heat. And mingled in, a sort of suicidal defiance. Tsuzuki brushed his lips lightly over Hisoka's, teasingly, then over his cheeks, and then over one eyelid, then the other. His hands continued to move slowly and sensuously over Hisoka's fully-clothed body.
"Yes, Bon," he said, his gentle voice husky with want. "Yes you are right... we should be together..." Slowly, he took another kiss, and then lifted the green-eyed boy in his arms, carrying him over to the rumpled bed as if he weighed an ounce.
Hisoka gasped at the kisses, gasped at the look in his partner's eyes. He was engulfed in heat, a burning that by all rights should have singed his body. But it didn't, and only continued to grow, until he could barely stand it anymore.
At Tsuzuki's words, his eyes flew open, and he knew something was off. An alarm bell sounded loudly in one part of his brain, but he only listened to its ringing for a moment before shutting it out. It didn't seem to matter at the moment...
What did matter was that he found himself in Tsuzuki's arms, carried to the man's bed, where he'd slept before. This was moving faster than he thought it would, but he refused to let himself feel anything but desire. And that was surprisingly easy to do.
"Together," he mumbled, having trouble making his voice work. "Yes, I think so..." As he finished speaking, he raised up slightly in the bed to reach Tsuzuki's mouth, kissing the man as he'd wanted to, holding nothing back, save his heart. But that wouldn't be long in coming, he thought offhandedly.
Hisoka's voice penetrated Tsuzuki's thoughts for a moment, and a slight shudder went through his body as something deep, deep inside of him recognized, as Hisoka had, that something was... off. But the mouth pressed to his was not "off"... it was warm and alive and even eager. There was no mistaking that, none at all. Impossible as it was... and that thought seemed to feel more like his own... impossible it might have seemed, but somehow the green-eyed boy wanted this as much as he did. The throbbing ache that this realization made in his heart spread rapidly to his body and through it. The material of his pants suddenly felt tight and restrictive. Shrugging out of his coat without loosing contact with that willing mouth, Tsuzuki moved next to Hisoka, resting on his side on the narrow bed and leaning over to cover his partner's body partially with his own. He felt incited, hot, his body in turmoil, but at the same time he felt an assurance he could never remember having before this moment. He knew exactly what do to, each thing, in what order. And he knew that all he had to do was just do all of it, and in an hour, perhaps two, Hisoka would belong to him body and soul. His. Something of his own. I've never ever had anything that was truly mine, he thought, a little cry of longing inside him.
Lifting his head, he felt suddenly calm, without losing any of the passion. Again, he pressed kisses on Hisoka's face, as his hand stroked the boy's shoulder and then over his chest slowly. His kisses traveled down to Hisoka's neck, that slender, white neck that beckoned teasingly so often from the confines of a turtleneck sweater or high collar. He wanted to taste it and feel that rapid pulse under his lips.
Hisoka twisted in the man's arms, lying face to face with Tsuzuki on the bed. He felt his heart jump with each of the other man's kisses, felt he knew where this would lead. He tried to get his breathing under enough control for speech, but found that when he did finally catch his breath, all he could say was, "Tsuzuki..."
But there was something he wanted to say, something he should say. What? He lingered on the thought for a moment as he helped Tsuzuki out of his shirt, thinking that it was far too hot for them both to be so clothed. As Tsuzuki lay next to him, chest bare, he let the thought slide away. Maybe he would pick it up again later, maybe not...he didn't particularly care at the moment.
"Tsuzuki," he gasped, and slowly threaded his hands through the man's beautiful dark hair. That was the second thing he'd always wanted to do, after kissing Tsuzuki. Put his hands in that hair and twist his fingers, feel the locks in his hands. It was so soft, softer than his own, he decided.
He moved his face closer to the other's, and sighed softly as he kissed the man's neck, hands still in his hair, and the scent there was something he'd never forget. There wasn't a name for it, but it was every bit as much a part of Tsuzuki as his hands, his eyes... everything.
Hisoka continued to kiss Tsuzuki's neck, moving somehow even further into the other's body until there was no space between them. He could feel a slow tension building low in his body, and wanted out of his clothes. Quickly.
Tsuzuki closed his eyes as Hisoka's hands moved in his hair, and warm lips touched his neck. He was only vaguely aware of shedding his tie and shirt, was fully and acutely aware of Hisoka pressing his body closer, and was completely unaware of a low sound coming from his throat, part purr, part growl. So passionate... "Oh Bon..." he sighed in his throat. "You are so warm..." He nuzzled Hisoka's mouth away from his neck and took him in another deep kiss, his hands moving to pull the sweater up and off of the green-eyed boy's body, releasing his mouth only for a second to get it off and then returning. Now they were skin to skin, at least from the waist up, and from the waist down he found himself pressing against his partner, his larger bulge making friction in small movements against the smaller but still quite obvious bulge stretching Hisoka's jeans.
His hand moved down, returning to that elegantly curved ass the boy had and tightening his fingers on it, squeezing, and pressing their bodies together even more. He lifted his mouth and began kissing his way down, from chin to neck to collar bone to chest, tracing the line of a firm and graceful pectoral to a darker circle of flesh there. His lips closed over it and feasted as if it were a bit of sugar coated candy.
This isn't going fast enough, Hisoka thought. He isn't being fast enough... The whole thing was starting to feel far too familiar, and that...troubled him. No, he couldn't let thoughts like that inside. They couldn't hurt him if they stayed outside...
"Tsuzuki," he managed to say, though it was difficult, what with the man's mouth all over him, "Tsuzuki... please, faster... too slow..." He gave up trying to speak after that, and let his head fall backwards onto the bed, reveling in the feel of Tsuzuki's lips caressing him. He felt his erection grow, and was slightly irritated that he was still in his pants.
The words penetrated Tsuzuki's warm delirium slowly, but penetrate they did and he lifted his head, looking down at Hisoka with an expression that was startled, still fogged with passion, but somehow a more familiar, 'Tsuzuki-expression'. He looked down at the boy in his arms, his skin flushed, beautiful green eyes half closed, lips swollen, breath coming in gasps... the view alone twisted through his body painfully. '...too slow..'? Too slow??? Panting, Tsuzuki licked his lips, trying to formulate a thought about it, but his body was far too much in control of things for that. He settled for nodding, nuzzling Hisoka's cheek, and murmuring, "All right, Bon... hush now... it will be all right..." his instinct somehow to soothe and reassure even now. His hand slid along Hisoka's body and rested for a moment on the fastening of his jeans, a warning, a reassurance. Then his deft fingers unfastened the snap and then pulled the zipper down.
Hisoka moaned, contented that Tsuzuki seemed to understand. That name... Bon... in that voice. It was almost...almost too much. It made him feel... it made him feel things. He'd worked hard and for a long time *not* to feel things he didn't want to feel. It could all be undone in a few short seconds? No...
He assisted Tsuzuki in the removal of his jeanss, deciding right then that Tsuzuki's pants would be next. As soon as they were off, he moved his slim fingers to the waist of the older man's pants, trying to figure out exactly how they fastened. Frustrated, he asked, "How do these things come off?"
A slightly hysterical, definitely husky laugh answered his query. Without trying to explain, Tsuzuki simply reached down and unfastened the dark dress pants he always wore, lifting his hips and giving them a little shake to facilitate their removal. "Better?" he murmured against Hisoka's ear, before nibbling on the lobe. One of his large hands reached down and covered Hisoka's erection, gently, gently, just a weight at first before his fingers curled around it.
Hisoka took in the sight of Tsuzuki's nude body for the second time that day, and he had no desire to look away this time. Certainly he blushed, he was sure, but that didn't stop him from looking. Tsuzuki was beautiful, no one could argue, and the soft glow of the man's skin was warm on his eyes.
He thought he gasped out a short agreement of, "Better," but wasn't quite sure, as the man's hand came down on him, and he lost track of all parts of his body that weren't being touched. His hips came up off the bed, and his fingers clawed through the sheets before he consciously made them stop.
"Tsuzuki, Tsuzuki," he moaned, not sure how to stop his voice, not sure how to start it once again.
A flash of volcanic heat washed through Tsuzuki's body as the boy moved under his touch. He'd never seen anything that moved him so violently, never felt such a tangible ache of something that was too fierce to be simple desire, never... wait, no... yes... never... It was beautiful, it was perfect, it was too much, it was never enough... Licking his lips, he stroked Hisoka's flesh, his actions assured, no stumbling. Reaching with his other hand he captured one of Hisoka's hands, lifted it to his mouth and kissed the palm, and then placed it deliberately on his own swollen and throbbing organ. As he felt the fingers close tightly around him and grip, another wash of heat tore through his body. Leaning up, he bent over Hisoka and lowered his face towards the firm shaft in his hand. Pausing for a moment to breathe in the musky scent rising, he licked his lips once more and then pressed his lips to the glistening bead at the top, smearing it as his mouth opened and surrounded the firm flesh.
The boy lost control of his body quite willingly, and allowed his hips to thrust gently into Tsuzuki's warm mouth. It wasn't like anything he'd felt previously, and he wanted it to last forever, wanted to hold onto this feeling as long as possible. He wanted to hold onto Tsuzuki...
He moaned, loudly, and cried out as Tsuzuki took him deeper, the wet suction pushing both his mind and body towards something. A deep tension was building, and he felt it would have to be released soon. He wanted to put his arms around the man, but wasn't in a position to do so, so he tried very hard to think only of the release he had envisioned.
Hisoka closed his eyes, trying to block out everything else, but could not keep them closed. He wanted to see Tsuzuki's own purple gaze, and he tried to look down at the other, to see...
But what he saw made his breath fly away, the man's lips so deliciously occupied. It almost seemed as if this couldn't be happening, but it was. Nothing else could find its way into his thoughts. Nothing...
The dark crescents of Tsuzuki's eyelashes fluttered, giving a glimpse of those jeweled purple eyes as he moved down and up over Hisoka's lap, his fair cheeks flushed darkly. His fingers circled the base of Hisoka's erection, tightening a little as he felt the boy's reactions become more frantic and intense. His mind too was void of any thought beyond the flesh of his partner in his mouth, its taste and scent, the feel of it, the barely weeping salt fluid that would soon become a fountain... Using skill he never realized he had, Tsuzuki drew that fountain forth hungrily, lovingly, focused on it until the rest of the world ceased to exist.
Hisoka closed his eyes once more, body drawn into a delicate arc, his head turning restlessly into the fabric of the bed beneath him. It was too good to be true, that's what it was, he thought. Things were never this good...
He had found something that Tsuzuki was good at, he decided. Tsuzuki was good at a lot of things...yes, he wanted to find out just what else the man was good at. Hisoka was unconcerned with how loud his voice would be when he cried out, with how undignified it would most likely sound. He only knew that he had to make some kind of sound, or he couldn't stand to be there anymore.
His body arched, and he released into Tsuzuki's mouth, his cry just as ungodly as he'd imagined it could be. "Tsuzuki!" After that, his voice died away, and he didn't think he could speak ever again.
The sound rang in Tsuzuki's ears and throughout his soul, shaking everything loose. His eyes closed tightly as he lapped at the white liquid his partner surrendered, and though it was salty and not sweet he found himself spinning into a little trance of avarice, savoring every bit and licking Hisoka's skin to find any missed drop. It satisfied him in some way he could never remember feeling before. He was barely aware of finally moving up, cradling the green-eyed boy against him, kissing his hair, his face, his neck and murmuring, "Bon... Bon... mine.... mine..." in a voice that was both trembling and fierce.
Hisoka began to relax, very, very slowly, and enjoyed the pleasant feel of Tsuzuki licking his body. Then Tsuzuki's kisses sent him further into calm, and he thought he might fall asleep before long, content to lie there in the other's arms as he held him.
As soon as Tsuzuki began to speak, however, his eyes opened, and he felt vaguely aware that he should protest. 'Mine,' he'd said. But Hisoka knew that he didn't belong to anybody, didn't want to belong to anybody. He'd already spent a large part of his life in confinement, didn't want to spend another minute there. He was free now, and no one would ever hold him again.
The boy didn't speak, but curled into the other's embrace. Maybe Tsuzuki hadn't meant it that way. Maybe it was just something people said when they did this sort of thing. Hisoka had no way of knowing that it wasn't, so he placated himself with the thought.
Still... it gave him pause. Better to leave it outside, with the other thoughts, where it couldn't touch him.
After a little while, Tsuzuki calmed a bit as well, his voice falling silent. He wasn't sleepy - anything but. His body throbbed with a maddening and unrelieved ache, but the tenderness and the emotions that the act just performed had saturated him with inhibited him from seeking his own satisfaction if it would disturb the boy in his arms. He was to be protected. He, Tsuzuki would do anything... had done everything... no, would do anything to protect him. That kept him human. It kept him, if not worthy, then somewhere on the edges of acceptable...
He rested his head for a few moments on Hisoka's shoulder, then kissed the boy lightly on the forehead, unable to ignore his own need any longer. He sat up, tucking a corner of the discarded sheet around his lover. Turning his back, he sat on the edge of the bed and reached down, swallowing the unconscious groan as he settled his fingers around his aching erection and began to stroke himself to release the ache.
Hisoka stirred, opening his eyes, realizing he had nearly dozed off for a moment. The warmth behind him had shifted... where had Tsuzuki gone?
A thought, not his own and nearly desperate, came into his mind. "Human." He recognized it as Tsuzuki's, but did not know quite what it meant. Human, huh, he thought as he sat up, his voice groggy as he called, "Tsuzuki. What are you doing?"
The bed shifted slightly as Tsuzuki stiffened momentarily. "Here, Bon... I'm here," he managed, his voice rough and threaded with his tension and need. Looking down at what he was doing he felt a wave of shame burn through him but his body was not going to back down over something so insignificant as his feelings.
Suddenly irritated, Hisoka rolled to sit on the bed next to Tsuzuki, and he finally noticed just what the other man had been... engaged in. He blushed, embarrassed, and then guilty. He hadn't done this right at all, and he wished then that he'd had more experience in such matters.
Then again, maybe it wasn't too late to fix his mistake. Moving closer to his partner on the edge of the bed, Hisoka tried to think of what he should say. And do. "Tsuzuki," he began, reaching to still the man's own quick hand, "That's not... fair. I want... I want to give you... I want..."
The boy let his voice fade away, the words not coming out correctly. His green eyes became wider, and he leveled them on Tsuzuki's own. Without another word, he pushed the man back down on the bed, rolling over on top of him. "Tsuzuki," he whispered, voice like sandpaper, and he kissed the man, hard, not sure at all what he was doing, but not afraid to try, either.
Tsuzuki had gone from being suddenly embarrassed realizing Hisoka was sitting beside him, aware of what he was doing, to feeling his heart lurch at the husky and incomplete words, to staring up at his partner in surprise as he found himself on his back. The slight frown creasing Hisoka's forehead was so wonderful, so *Hisoka*... the fierceness of his lover such an irrevocable stamp of identity that it gave him a sudden thrill. It pushed the shame aside roughly, giving room for his passion to rise again, and higher. Winding an arm around Hisoka's waist, he looked up, a smile dancing in his eyes along with the hunger. When he could speak, he managed to find the words he wanted. Repeating his earlier action, he took one of Hisoka's hands with his free one and drew it down to his lap. "Just... touch me," he said, the tone not a command but a near desperate entreaty.
'Just touch me'. The words echoed in Hisoka's mind, and he wanted so badly to tell Tsuzuki that he understood. That he understood what it was like, to be alone, to be isolated. To be afraid to touch the world, to let the world touch him. To burn for it, sometimes. Contact.
But it was always better to show than tell, he thought. Curling his hand around Tsuzuki's erection, Hisoka smiled, a slight movement of his lips that wasn't easily detected, and he kissed the man again, this time lower, the feel of his partner's chest beneath his mouth soft and beautiful.
He moved lower still, and let his tongue come out to glide over Tsuzuki's well-toned stomach, keeping his hand firmly wrapped around the other's weeping flesh.
He moved back a little and began to stroke the other gently, licking his lips as he did so. Just a little taste, just a little...
Hisoka continued to move his hand up and down Tsuzuki's shaft, vaguely aware that the other man seemed to be enjoying his work, but most of all, he focused on stealing just a little kiss, right at the tip...
Tsuzuki was more than enjoying his lover's 'work', he was falling apart under the firm grip, his hips flexing of their own volition. The touch of Hisoka's lips against his skin sent chills over his heated body. Feeling the rapid escalation of his body's response, he opened his eyes and lips to warn Hisoka in case he should want to avoid the mess, and then was frozen by the sight of the green-eyed boy bending with puckered lips to the top of his shaft.
His body shuddered hard and he cried out, trying with what ever consciousness might remain not to shove himself in his partner's face, but the effort was lost in the rolling wave of pleasure that stole his breath and left him gasping as he collapsed back against the bed.
As soon as Tsuzuki had released, Hisoka felt something. A twinge, something just outside of his consciousness that needed to be examined. And then it was gone, the man falling back onto the bed, and away from him, in more ways than one.
He cleaned Tsuzuki with his mouth, as the man had done to him earlier, and did not find it an unpleasant experience. This was something... he could get used to doing. This was something he wanted to do again.
He moved to lie next to his partner, curling his arms around the man, kissing the side of his head, whispering softly, "Tsuzuki..." He wanted to say more, but those words wouldn't come yet. But they were there, waiting. It was a comfort to the boy, as well as a fright.
Tsuzuki heard his name and snuggled closer against his lover, his arms twining around him as if molded to fit. "Hisoka..." he murmured, the purple jewels lidded but not completely closed. He felt exhausted - more tired that seemed appropriate or possible, not realizing that he'd had very little sleep in the last forty eight hours. He felt things swirling around his brain as the storm of passion calmed, things that would soon be screaming at him and that he didn't want to face. Hiding his face against Hisoka, he closed his eyes firmly, running away from it one more time.
"Tsuzuki," the boy mumbled, not able to fight off the coming slumber, not even totally aware of what he was saying. "Tsuzuki... help you... together." After that he slept, safe for the first time in another's arms.
TBC