18-Feb-2002
Kaikan Phrase: I'm a Boy
By the Von - Bonne Project
Contact: vonceia@yahoo.com, bonnejeanne@yahoo.com
Pairings: Towa x Atsuro
Spoilers: Series
Rating: NC-17
WARNINGS: Lemon/Limey stuff.
Von is listed as the primary author of this fic because most of it is her work on Towa's POV. The song I'm a Boy is a real song by the Who. There is a picture of the guys from KP with the caption "Lucifer 10 years ago". Typical chibi pic, all the guys are terribly cute, but Towa is dressed as a girl. No mistake about it.
I'm a Boy
Name: Towa Kazuto Sakuma
Instrument: Bass
Age: 19
Birthday: April 10th
Height: 175cm, 5ft 7
Weight: 60kg
Blood type: BName: Atsuro Kiryuu
Instrument: Guitar
Age: 19
Birthday: January 30th
Height: 178cm, 5ft 8
Weight: 60kg
Blood type: A
Towa's fingers paused over the strings as discord met his ears. A slight frown appeared on his delicate features and he reached up to smooth a tendril of hair back into place. Tilting his head slightly, his expert hearing detected the soft, yet distinctive pattern of quiet sobs.
He inhaled deeply, feeling the echo of hurt in his own chest and knowing without asking what the problem was. Looking up towards Atsuro's door, he felt conflicted. He knew that his friend needed time to sort through his emotions. He also had no doubt that Atsuro would make the right choice for himself when the time came. 'It is just the journey to resolution that is hard,' he thought.
After a moment, Towa stood and placed his guitar carefully back into its case. Closing the latch, he absently stroked the velvet box with a unconscious gesture of love. Moving to the window, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders looking out into the night and the past.
"Mama!" the young child called out happily. Seeing the familiar face of his mother, Towa ran to her and threw his arms around her neck. He was happy. He was free.. for a few hours, at least. Hell, would return the next day with the long walk to school or worse, a visit from the next door neighbors.
Even at the tender age of six, Towa knew that he was not like the rest of the children. He had certain restrictions and guidelines, which made him angry at times. For the most part, he knew that all he had to was do what he was told and keep clean and life was wonderful and tolerable. There were times when he was bad and headstrong. He was always made to regret it.
Arms enfolded him in a glorious hug and Towa closed his eyes, inhaling his mother's perfum deeply. These were the magical moments and he worked very hard to remember them.
"And how's my baby girl today?" Ma would say, breaking the spell.
The reaction was always the same. Towa jerked slightly, then sagged a little as disappointment washed over him and reality reminded him that he was different. Then, in a blink of an eye, he gathered his courage, pushed down those angry, bad feelings and ...smiled. She liked his smile. It made her not so sad like usual.
"Sugoi!" he said cheerfully, then stole a kiss to her cheek.
His mother's face lit up. "Wonderful, wonderful!" she exclaimed. "The girls are coming over today for dinner. What fun!"
Towa felt his heart sink. He felt his mother's gaze on him, testing him without words. Towa's smile grew larger and even so, it did not quite make it all the way to his eyes. Something inside of him died again as he braced himself for the evening's humiliation.
He nodded, then scrambled down. The small act of moving away was his only retribution and expression of rebellion.
One Girl Was Called Jean Marie
Another Little Girl Was Felicity
Another Little Girl Was Sally Joy
The Other Was Me, And I'm A Boy
The dinner party was perfect. It had to be. The guests were from America.
Towa did his part for the family honor. He imitated each gesture and movement of his mother with uncanny perfection. He was wary of his father, whose stare was even more intense than hers. In his eyes, Towa saw condemnation at existing at all.
Later, while the parents talked, Towa and the three young American girls remained out of sight and mind in his room.
"You have some neat stuff, To," Jean Marie cooed, moving towards the small stack of dolls reclining on Towa's bed.
"Arigato," Towa replied, "Thank you," he added.
Felicity, the red-head giggled. "That sounded funny," she said, covering her mouth.
Sally Joy the brunette shook her head. "Don't listen to her. She's nuts, Towa," she said, coming to the quiet little girl's defense. "Hey, Red, you're not in Jooisey anymore. This is Japan. *You're* the one who talks funny over here!"
Felicity stuck her tongue out in a most un-ladylike fashion.
"Your Mother is real pretty, Towa," Jean Marie said, placing the doll back on the bed where she found her. "Hey, let's play make-up!"
"Let's make-up Towa!" Felicity said."I got some make-up from my mom's room, before I left!"
"Yeah, Towa's prettiest. Let's make her up, beautiful!" Sally Joy said, excited to have something to do.
Towa looked down. He worked hard to surpress a scowl. "Thank you, Sally," he said, quietly and braced himself for the next step. Two of the little girls flanked him, each taking one of his hands. Happily, they took him to the small bureau and began their work.
My Name Is Bill, And I'm A Head Case
They Practice Making Up On My Face
Yeah, I Feel Lucky If I Get Trousers To Wear
Spend Evenings Taking Hairpins From My Hair
It was late when Towa sat down at the bureau again. Carefully and methodically, he took the hairpins from his long blonde hair. He was tired and it had been a long night. As he took the bow that Sally Joy had added he caught his reflection in the mirror and stopped.
Suddenly and inexplicably he felt a rage grow inside of him. 'Be good,' he admonished himself, but it was too late and the feeling was too big. He ripped the bow from his head and began pulling the pins out of his hair as if his next breath depended on it.
By time he was finished, the pins were all over the bureau and floor. Towa didn't care. He looked up at his reflection and scowled. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand which smeared pink lipstick over his face.
He looked into the mirror again. His hair was everywhere and his face was an artist's pallette of color. Towa laughed. He looked like one of those American Indians only a lot worse. 'War paint' he thought and then laughed again.
Sticking his fingers in his hair, he messed it up more. Looking in the mirror, he laughed harder. Standing up, he knocked over the chair, then kicked it away. It felt so good.
Taking two fistfuls of the dress, he pulled it over his head. He didn't even mind the sudden chill as he tossed the dress in the air, letting it land wherever it did. He looked in the mirror again and this time stood back a little so he could see more of himself.
The frilly undergarment was ridiculous. "I'm a boy," he said. Taking off the shoes and frilly socks, Towa then jerked down the underwear as well. He kicked it out of the way and then looked at his body in the mirror.
A frown appeared on his face as he reached down to touch... the thing. Glancing guiltily towards the door, he knew that he was only allowed to do that in a private lavatory stall. It had been taped down for his own good every morning by his mother. Sometimes it was uncomfortable, and the undergarment helped to keep it from jumping around, but now it was askew and dangling a little.
The frown deepened as Towa considered the dillema. He could really be a boy and take off the tape, like he did at night. If someone came in, he reasoned he could say he was getting ready for bed. It wouldn't explain the room, but...but..
"I'm a boy!" he said, then ripped the tape off.
It felt funny to be this exposed, but it felt good too. He looked in the mirror and laughed. He was a mess.
Moving to the bureau again, he took some of the cosmetics still on his face and fingers and attempted to do more war paint on his chest and stomach. Afterwards, Towa surveyed the results and nodded to himself.
"Woowooowooowooo!" he chanted, running around the room.
He jumped up on the bed and did a rain dance as he squealed with delight. Jumping down off the bed, he danced some more and was just about to try tying his hair into Indian pig tails when the heard a distinct creak of a door opening.
"Towa?" a lilting voice called behind him.
Towa's eyes grew three times their size. Turning out of habit, he came face-to-face with his mother.
"What are you doing?" his mother called out.
'I'm a boy,' he heard a voice inside his head say. Towa felt the rage roll over him again. It kept him from feeling too strange and gave him courage to lift his chin. "I'm a boy!" he cried out, watching his mother's face as the rebellious action sank in. He didn't want to hurt her, but he felt he needed to say it.
He watched as his mother took a step back. She shook her head in denial and turned her head slightly.
"Izumi!" his mother called out and Towa swallowed hard. A few seconds later, his father appeared at the door.
His expression was all that Towa needed to see. He instantly regretted his actions, and silently tucked them into a quiet space in his mind as he prepared himself for the punishment he was certain would come.
Chorus:
I'm A Boy, I'm A Boy
But My Ma Won't Admit It
I'm A Boy, I'm A Boy
But If I Say I Am, I Get It
Not aware that he had closed his eyes, Towa opened them suddenly as a soft tapping sounded against the window. It had begun to rain, yet the sun was shining in the sky. Taking a deep breath, he heard the distant plink of guitar strings and smiled sadly. 'Yes,' he thought. 'Refuge in the music.'
He turned to glance at Atsuro's door. They were so much alike and yet in many ways the polar opposite of each other. Just as he took a step into the room, Towa heard the familiar snap of a broken guitar string. "K'so!" he heard Atsuro swear. Moving to the door, he stopped again, hearing Atsuro drop the guitar to the floor.
Another memory...another time.
Towa whirled around and dropped the little guitar in the process. The twanging sound reverberated through the room as he looked up at his father.
"What do you think you're doing?" his father asked, pinning him with a stare.
Towa swallowed as he stood in fear.
"Nothing," he answered, in a whisper that was so soft that it barely moved the air.
His father looked at him for a long time. It seemed like eons to Towa, but it might have only been a few moments in duration.
"You better wash up. You have to go somewhere with Mommy tonight, or did you forget?" he said.
"I remember," Towa replied, finding his voice. With some regret, he thought of the long evening ahead.
He and his Mommy would go to one of the other girls houses for some kind of party. Before that, Mommy would dress him up and make him look... pretty.
Towa's father gave him another penetrating look and then nodded.
"Put down the guitar and be ready. Mommy's on her way in." he said and then turned to leave.
Towa felt his heart beat return as the door to his room closed. Grudgingly, he placed his prized possession, the guitar, back into its case. He carefully hid it in the special spot and away from adult eyes. An inner voice told him to be very careful not to divulge just how important the guitar and music had become to him. He just knew that it would be taken from him.
Put Your Frock On, Jean Marie
Plait Your Hair, Felicity
Paint Your Nails, Little Sally Joy
Put This Wig On, Little BoyI'm A Boy, I'm A Boy
But My Ma Won't Admit It
I'm A Boy, I'm A Boy
But If I Say I Am, I Get It
Before preparing himself for Mommy, he walked to the window and stared out for awhile. Sometimes it made him happy to see the world outside. Often, he would catch a glimpse of children, other boys, playing outside. They fascinated him. They were so free and not weird like he was.
He didn't dare let them see him. He was afraid they might talk to him and he would get into trouble with his father or Mommy. Instead, he played a delicious game of spy. He'd sit on the floor and peer over the ledge. Sometimes, Towa would watch for hours, while the boys played soccer or catch. He especially liked it when they would get into an occassional row and have fights. Someone would invariably get a cut or scrape and Towa would marvel. Dirty, bloody, and muddy is what Towa dreamed to be. Of course, his parents would never allow it.
Wanna Play Cricket On The Green
Ride My Bike Across The Street
Cut Myself And See My Blood
Wanna Come Home All Covered In Mud
"Shit!" a voice called from outside, catching Towa's attention immediately.
Towa crouched low and smiled as he saw a little boy with a band-aid on his forehead.
The little boy had auburn hair springing from a blue billed-cap turned backwards. He was looking intently at one of his fingers and his bicycle was strewn on the ground nearby.
"Hiko! You ok?!" another voice called from down the street.
"Yeah!" the boy screamed back.
"I told you that piece of junk can't beat my new bike!" a different voice said.
Little Hiko stood as a deep from creased his face. He ignored the trickle of blood which ran down his leg. "Go to hell!" he called out. His hands were balled into fists and ready to strike.
Towa was impressed. He knew foul language himself, but he knew better not to practice it on public streets.
"Stick bike! Stick bike," Hiko's tormentor called out. He whirled his shiny, new bike around the corner and next to Hiko.
Hiko made a growling sound and then hit the annoying little boy in the middle of his chest. This action knocked the little boy off of his bike and onto the street. Towa watched as Hiko then sat on top of him and gave him a few solid blows.
"Towa!" the lilting voice of Mommy called out.
Towa jumped. He then scrambled up from his place by the window and raced to get dressed.
Memory faded once more and Towa found himself squarely in front of Atsuro's door. He knocked.
"Hai" Atsuro called back.
"Can I come inside?" Towa asked, "I'd like to talk to you."
I'm A Boy, I'm A Boy
But My Ma Won't Admit It
I'm A Boy, I'm A Boy
But If I Say I Am, I Get It
There was a moment of quiet, and Towa could hear Atsuro moving around in his room hastily. Probably trying to put the room, or himself in order.
Then the door opened. His cheeks looked slightly pink as if they'd been scrubbed with a handy sleeve or something. Looking out, Atsuro opened the door. "Of course," he said, with sincere politeness. "It's your apartment after all," he added with a slightly strained smile, as if trying some humor.
Towa sighed deeply as he walked through the doorway. Though his intention was to sit on the bed, he looked up at Atsuro, noting the stress in at the corners of his eyes. Impusively, Towa reached out and touched Atsuro's cheek. "Please pardon my familiarity, Atsuro," he said, quietly. "You are having... difficulty."
The guitar player's eyes widened slightly at the gentle touch. His eyes dropped and his shoulders slumped a little. "It's nothing," he said softly. "I just.... I think I'm afraid that I've made a mistake," he confessed. "But if I didn't try to do what I feel, how would I ever know if I had what it takes? Only... maybe I don't..."
"You've reached the middle of the stream, Atsuro. I think you know that the only way to go is forward. Your question needs an answer," Towa said. Then he shook his head. "I've had to face such trials myself. That's part of what I wanted to talk about."
Taking Atsuro's hand, he guided him to the bed and sat down.
Atsuro dropped onto the small bed. He looked at the golden-haired bass player questioningly. "Of course... I'm sorry. I admire you so much for your commitment."
A small smile appeared briefly on Towa's lips, then disappeared. "My commitment," he said. "I'm committed, in part, because the music is all I have or ever had. It started out as a release. I was trying to escape from my circumstances."
Atsuro leaned back against the wall beside the bed. "Yeah?" he said, with a tentative inquiry in his eyes.
Towa felt his heart trip inside his chest. He hadn't felt the need to do this in a long time, but something about Atsuro brought forth memories and the only way out was through.
"Yes," Towa replied. "I.. I was not accepted as I was as a child." Turning to settle on the bed and face Atsuro, Towa hesitated and then decided to move on. "As ... a boy," he added. "I wasn't accepted as a boy, Atsuro."
Atsuro blinked, thinking he hadn't heard correctly. "Uh..." he said, and then realized he couldn't think of anything else to follow it.
Towa took a really deep breath. "Oh no," he said, quietly, but forged ahead. "Look, I don't know why I'm telling you this exactly, except that I trust you. I also care about you and I don't want you to end up like me. The first few years of my life, my parents treated me as though I were a girl. They dressed me like a girl and they expected me to act like a girl. I didn't find out until much later that my mother was... not well. My father wasn't much better. When I discovered the whole truth, I left and didn't turn back," he said. "You have a chance that I never did."
Atsuro's eyes widened. He watched and listened to the bass player, and saw and felt the buried pain in those gold/brown eyes. "That's..." he heard himself say, "That's child abuse... oh Towa, I'm sorry...."
Towa looked down. "Yeah," he said, "I figured that out. Of course, by that time I figured I had two choices. One was to accept and take responsibility for myself, or spend the rest of my life in bitterness. I chose the music." Looking back up at Atsuro, Towa reached out and touched Atsuro's hand. "If you have questions, feel free to ask." he said,
Atsuro looked at the hand touching his and suddenly turned his hand, closing his fingers around Towa's firmly. He thought about all the questions he had once had, that he had wanted to ask Towa. Most of them suddenly seemed rather unimportant. He thought it over. Finally he realized he just had one.
"Do you think I can do it?"
Towa looked into Atsuro's eyes. He squeezed the guitarist's hand. "I know you can," he said simply.
Atsuro looked back, and felt something inside become calm. He nodded. Then he looked down, his cheeks flushing slightly. He released Towa's hand, not abruptly, just simply letting go, and got up, walking over to the window.
"You... honor me with your history," he said softly, looking out. His head dropped and then lifted again but he kept his eyes on the sky outside. "I owe you the truth as well. There's another reason I don't want to go home yet. I'm trying to work something out. And being at home is..." He dropped his gaze. "I feel ungrateful now. My parents... are really great, at least... no, they are. My dad just doesn't get it. But they always tried very hard to be good parents. I love them. And I know..." he glanced at Towa over his shoulder and then back out the window. "I know some day they are going to be very hurt when they find out that... that my sister is going to be their best hope for grand kids...."
Towa's eyes widened and he suddenly found himself on his feet. Moving to where Atsuro stood by the window, Towa placed his hands on his shoulders. "How do *you* feel about it?" he asked, understanding Atsuro in a deeper way.
The red-headed boy took a deep breath. "A little scared. It doesn't... bother you, does it? If it does, I can leave. I feel... a lot of times I feel like I'm deceiving every one. Keeping a shameful secret. And I'm a coward. I'm not ready to deal with the world and how people might react..."
Towa lifted Atsuro's chin with his fingers. Moving closer, he kissed Atsuro's lips. "Things will happen in their own time," he said. "And I hope I've just dispelled whether I mind or not. In fact, I admire you very much, Atsuro. You are brave, kind, sweet and one hell of a guitarist. You just get better and better each day. Thank you, for honoring me with your life."
Atsuro blinked at the kiss, his eyes widening even further. Then he looked down. He was telling himself the kiss didn't necessarily *mean* anything. After what Towa had told him about his childhood... the bass player's eccentricities could now be understood. "The honor is mine," he said softly. Then he sighed. "I'd rather not... share that with the rest of the band. I know it's wrong to hide things but..."
"It's all right," Towa said, sliding his arms around Atsuro's waist. "I haven't shared my past with anyone for a long time. Actually, only one other person knows the whole truth and she lives in America," he added.
Atsuro tenatively returned the embrace, briefly. "You are incredible," he said simply.
"I like you," Towa said. The words made sense to him. They felt right. Leaning forward, he kissed Atsuro again. "I feel as though I can tell you anything at all. You're easy to live with and you are incredibly cute, as well."
Atsuro's cheeks turned red. He suddenly felt like he was going to hyperventilate. He'd just told Towa his huge secret... and Towa kept kissing him. The bass player was... well everyone admitted, he was pretty... no, beautiful. And he was standing very close, his arms around Atsuro's body. And he... he smelled good... "Aw Towa..." he said, embarassed to be called 'cute'.
Towa smiled as he watched Atsuro blush. Leaning foward, he gave Atsuro another kiss. This time was deeper and more thorough than before. "What about incredibly hot, then," he said, after a short while.
Opening his eyes, Atsuro gazed at Towa breathlessly. "Huh?" He stared into Towa's eyes. Then he leaned closer and returned the kiss. It was tentative, brief, but very sweet.
Towa smiled again. "I think you should know, if we're confessing things, that I think about you at night. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to hold you in my arms.. And yes, I am ... unnatural, because I wonder what it would be like to make love to you," he said, feeling a great weight fall off of his shoulders. "Now, are you going to run? Because if you do, I don't promise not to chase you, Atsuro."
Once again, Atsuro's eyes had gone wide. Slowly, he lifted his arms and placed them around Towa's neck, feeling the soft waves of golden hair. "So... what if... I don't run?" he said, breathlessly. His tongue darted out to moisten his lips.
Towa felt the weight of Atsuro's arms around his neck. He pulled Atsuro against his body, wrapping his arms around him completly. "If you don't run, then you'll get to see an even rarer sight, Atsuro. Me... naked," he said.
The guitar player leaned against Towa, feeling his heart beat rapidly. "I'd like that," he breathed softly. "You know... you are beautiful..."
Towa sighed, holding Atsuro securely. "Arigato, Atsuro," he replied, feeling at peace. "I'm glad that you think so," he said. "I'm a boy, you know," he added, guiding Atsuro back to the bed.
"I know," the redhead answered fervently. Then he smiled a small smile and added in a tone of confession. "I... don't like girls..."
"Ahhh," Towa replied, leaning over Atsuro on the bed. "I think I heard that somewhere." he added, sliding his hand over the front of Atsuro's shorts.
Atsuro gasped at the touch. His cheeks flushed even darker but a shy smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Don't tell any body," he suggested, and then placed one hand slowly over Towa's hand on his lap.
Towa squeezed the firming flesh underneath the shorts. "I promise," he said, then covered Atsuro's mouth with his own.
Atsuro lay back on the bed as Towa leaned over him and slid one arm around Towa's neck. Closing his eyes, he surrendered himself completely to the kiss. This was like something out of one of his most outrageous wet dreams.
Towa slid his arms underneath Atsuro's shoulders as he kissed the red-headed guitarist deeply. One hand moved down along Atsuro's side and over the curve of his hip. Towa squeezed the soft flesh as he pulled Atsuro upwards to meld with his own body on the bed.
He could feel his temperature rise in an instant as he slipped his hand inside the shorts in back. Towa inhaled sharply as his hand met warm flesh. He could never remember being quite this excited before. Yet, some part of him understood that his physical pleasure was mixed with the exhilarating feeling of freedom.
Atsuro felt his heart thump loudly as those slender fingers slid along his skin under his shorts. He almost felt as if he might come right then from the sheer excitement of what was happening. Towa... amazing, talented, cool, gorgeous Towa was holding him, touching him. Atsuro tried not to fantasize about his band mates but trying was not suceeding, though he'd been very strict with himself about moving from fantasy to actually thoughts of anything being real. The one night when Towa had told him to go - before he got weird ideas, then said he was just joking had taken a few months off his life expectency. How many nights had he lain awake replaying that moment and imagining that the bass player hadn't been just joking...
The kiss felt and tasted so incredibly good and he quickly lost track of what was going on as he sucked Towa's tongue in his mouth, and then slid his own along it. Kissing was about as far as he had ever gotten, with either boys or girls, but he'd read about the rest - read, looked at pictures... He remembered finding one of Yuka's doujinshi - a yaoi one - and remembered how the pictures had excited him as nothing else ever had, including the "racy" postcards one of the boys at school had been showing around. Towa was beautiful enough to figure in a doujinshi...
When their mouths parted, his lips were slightly swollen and he gazed up, his eyes wide. "If this is a dream, don't wake me up," he said aloud, and then realized he'd said it as he was thinking it.
A full smile spread across Towa's face as he looked down at Atsuro. Moistening his lips with his tongue, Towa moved his hand around smoothing Atsruo's stomach and then up underneath the short top the guitarist wore. His long fingers found the little nub of flesh at Atsuro's chest and teased it to hardness. "I promise you, I won't," Towa said, kissing Atsuro's lips lightly, before moving to his neck and nuzzling there.
Sighing softly, Atsuro squirmed, arching his back and pressing up into Towa's touch. His fingers combed gently through the thick golden tresses and he inhaled Towa's scent deeply. Leaning his head back, he offered more of his neck to the bass player's ministrations. He felt a little light-headed and then giggled, realizing that all the blood was rushing straight to his lap.
My god, he's so new, Towa thought as he trailed kisses down Atusro's neck. Lifting the shirt, he glanced back up at Atsuro and felt a flood of warmth envelope him. I feel as though I've lived lifetimes, been through a lot, seen too much, but he makes me feel fresh.
Leaning down, Towa licked at the small pillar of flesh before sucking and teasing it with his tongue. "Let me know if I'm rushing you," Towa said, breathing in Atsuro's scent. "I can wait for you, Atsuro."
The redhead swallowed a little moan in his throat at the touch of Towa's tongue on his flesh. Hearing his words, he slid his arms around the bass player's neck and kissed him sweetly. Looking into his eyes, he felt another flush and almost ducked his head, feeling a sudden rush of shyness that battled with his very awakened libido.
"I might be... clumsy or something," he admitted nervously, "But you are *not* rushing me! I'm... I'm blown away by my good fortune, Towa...sempai," he said sincerely.
I'm a boy, Towa thought, feeling his body flush with renewed excitement at Atusro's words. Leaning forward, he kissed Atsuro deeply while his hand moved down and past the waistband of the shorts. Without stopping, his fingers found and curled around the firming flesh beneath Atsuro's stomach. He felt Atsuro gasp as he did so and held him as the red-headed guitarist became accustomed to his touch.
Breathing deeply, Atsuro was urgently thinking, 'Don't lose it! DON'T lose it! The first time you are actually touched by another boy and it's Towa... don'tdon'tdon't...'
His disobedient organ was threatening to ruin it for him, firming instantly from its already semi-erect state to a full blown woody. Atsuro didn't realize his hands were starting to knead Towa's neck like a cat. Nor that his eyes were now twice as wide as before and that stars were dancing wildly in them. "Oh... Towa..." he breathed, a dreamy grin spreading over his face.
Towa's smile grew even bigger than before. He had no doubts that Atusro was fully engaged. "Here," he said, reluctantly letting Atsuro's manhood go. "Let's get naked," he said, then lifted the top up and over Atusro's head. Moving down again, Towa hooked his fingers into the band of the shorts again and worked them over Atsruo's hips and off of his legs. Then reaching up, he unfastened his own garment, standing briefly to shrug it off his shoulders. Dropping back down to the bed, Towa looked into Atsuro's eyes. "I want you to enjoy this," he said, stroking Atsuro's chest.
Atsuro went rapidly from a sudden shyness at being naked to total fascination as he was allowed to gaze at Towa's bare body. He was even more gorgeous with his clothes off. His skin was smooth and soft and it covered a body that was nicely developed and could not have been mistaken for a girl's by a nearsighted drunk at twenty paces. He was... very well endowed. Those skirts covered up a lot.
Realizing he was in danger of catching flies, Atsuro managed to close his mouth mechanically, though he did lick his lips unconsciously. "I will..." he breathed fervently. His hand lifted, strayed hesitantly towards Towa's lap, stopped. "Um..."
Towa clasped Atsruo's wrist and guided his hand to its original destination. Looking into the red-head's face, the elegant bassist allowed every nuance of his reaction to show. His body reacted immediately as it danced and lengthened in Atsuro's hand. "You're allowed whenever you want," he said, feeling the perspiration cover his brow. Reaching forward, he touched the smooth skin of Atsuro's thigh.
Atsuro emitted a small sigh as his fingers wrapped around the shaft of firming flesh. It felt... warm. Heavy. Soft skin over something becoming incredibly firm. Something glistened at the tip. He knew what that was and what it meant and it was the most erotic thing he had ever experienced. His fingertips glided along the shaft as it if were the neck of his guitar. Callused fingerpads gently stroked the skin, tentatively and then more firmly as his eyes flew up to Towa's face, glued there in amazement as he watched the bass player's expression change.
Towa lifted his hand to the back of Atsuro's neck. His eyelids drooped as he moved in to kiss Atsuro. "All those years taught me something Atsuro-koi," he whispered against Atsuro's ear. "The heart doesn't care what package you come in."
Atsuro listened to the words and felt something inside him assent. He nodded as he continued to stroke Towa's manhood with wondering and very appreciative fingers. "I believe you," he said softly, and added, "But it's a very nice package though..." Leaning closer, he pressed his lips to Towa's in a kiss that was exploratory, with growing passion.
Towa chuckled, leaning his forehead on Atsuro's shoulder for a moment. "Arigato, Atsuro," he said, then reached out to capture Atsuro in his grasp once again. "Make that two very nice packages," he added.
A half laugh, half groan slipped from Atsuro as his flesh once again all but lept into Towa's hand. Feeling wildly daring, he bent over and placed a kiss on the back of Towa's hand as it enclosed his shaft. Looking up, he leaned closer, one arm around Towa's neck, the other hand stroking his wonderful erection. "I think you know about this, Towa-kun," he said breathlessly. Leaning his forehead to Towa's, he met the other young man's eyes. "Please. Teach me - everything?"
"Hai," Towa answered without hesitation. "Everything I know," he added, leaning Atsuro back against the bed and covering him with his body. Reaching towards his night table, Towa recovered a slender bottle from its confines. Holding up the bottle for Atsuro to see, he smiled, flipping the top open. "While not a necessity, this is very helpful," he said, pouring some of the contents into his hand.
Reaching down again, Towa moved his now slick hand back over Atsuro's shaft. "See what I mean?" he said.
The redhead's eyes closed as he sighed in pleasure. "Ohhh... god that feels good," he whispered. After a moment or two of pure enjoyment, he opened his eyes and reached out, holding his hand palm up. Taking the oil that Towa poured into his palm, he replaced his hand on Towa's erection and coated it as he stroked the skin, hoping it would feel as good to the bass player as it was feeling to him.
"Mmmm," Towa purred. "You're right, very good," he said.
Atsuro felt his temperature skyrocket at the throaty tone of Towa's voice, not to mention the feel of his amazing erection sliding back and forth in Atsuro's grip. He thought about the things he'd read and wondered if it was even possible for what he had in his hand to fit... the mental picture almost caused him to come right then and there.
"All right," Towa said, through half-lidded eyes. "This is going to be uncomfortable at first. Just try and relax," he added, sliding his coated fingers down and between Atsuro's legs. Parting him, Towa slid an exploratory finger across the opening at Atsuro's rear, grazing and rubbing it. As soon as he felt it relax, Towa slid the finger in carefully, feeling it cling and grasp.
Atsuro opened his legs, bent at the knees, feeling extremely excited by what was happening. He was also a little scared but the excitement was so much greater that it was a little like a roller coaster ride. He felt the lubricated finger probe and enter his opening and gasped, biting on his lower lip. It felt very weird, uncomfortable, but he'd expected that. His eyes fixed on Towa's face and he found that the expression on the bass player's features made him feel even more aroused. Taking a deep breath, he nodded, indicating that he was ok. He couldn't quite keep a little excited smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Feels... weird," he said and then laughed, half nervous, half anticipating.
"Hai," Towa responded. This is so different than my first time, he thought. Moving his finger deeper inside Atsuro, Towa looked up at the red-haired guitarist, noting that the new action had calmed the stiffness slightly. "This will feel better," he said, reluctantly moving the red-haired guitarist's hand away from his own aching flesh. Tossing his blonde hair back over his shoulder, Towa covered Atsuro's shaft with his mouth while moved two fingers inside of his body.
"Ohhhh..." the redhead moaned, feeling the warm liquid heat envelope his very aroused organ. He couldn't believe what was happening, and he had to bite his lip hard to keep from spraying into Towa's mouth right then. He barely felt the second finger until it was deep inside of him. Feeling everything in him tighten, he made a rather hasty decision and reached down, trying to coax Towa up from his lap. "P-please... I can't... I'm not..."
Towa felt Atsuro shift and looked up. Lifting his head, he moved up and kissed Atsuro deeply. "It's ok," he said, moments later. "I promise. You won't miss anything and we have time to do whatever we want. Just try and relax," he added.
Atsuro returned the kiss passionately. He gazed into Towa's eyes, his own still wide and almost sparkling. He took several deep breaths to try and calm himself. "Thank you..." he managed to sound only a little breathless. "But I want..." Then suddenly his expression changed. "What... do *you* want, Towa-kun?" Then he smiled slightly shyly and continued, "I want... this..." dropping a hand to cover the one between his legs. "I don't want to lose it until... until you... that is, if you *want* to...?"
Fire danced in Towa's eyes as he listened to Atsuro speak. Licking his lips, he leaned forward and kissed Atsuro again, feeling the guitarist's immediate response. Breaking the kiss, he moved to Atsuro's ear. "I want to fuck you, Atsuro," he said, clearly as he moved the fingers in Atsuro's body for emphasis.
"Ngh..." Atsuro groaned deeply as his heart jumped hard in his chest, from the double impact of those words spoken in his ear, and the sensation of Towa's fingers moving in him. "G-good!" he managed, licking his lips. He turned his head and kissed Towa anxiously. Then he leaned back on the bed, tilting his hips upwards a little. "Another... please," he said hoarsely, his eyes on Towa's face.
Towa watched in total fascination. He had never met anyone like Kiryuu Atsuro before. Not true, he thought, shaking his head. There was Sally Jo, the only childhood friend he felt close enough to tell his secrets.
Moving between Atsuro's legs, he looked down at the beautiful vision and shook his head. "Not another," he said, moving his hand away and replacing it with the head of his cock. "Just one special one," Towa added, as he pressed forward slowly, filling Atsuro.
The redhead closed his eyes tightly and then opened them and locked his gaze on Towa's. He panted as Towa's cock pushed against the small opening, even with lubrication requiring quite a stretch to encompass. The panting breaths helped with the pain, and so did the fact that he expected it, and so didn't flinch. He reached for music in his head, like he did when he was at the dentist, and found the clear notes of Lucifer's songs coming into his head. He concentrated on hearing the bass line clearly, and then his own guitar, blending them. Suddenly he realized that it didn't hurt quite so much, and that he was totally filled by something hot and throbbing and that this hot throbbing intruder was Towa - inside him. His eyes widened, and suddenly his body tensed and something thick and white erupted from his own quivering erection. The flood of pleasure and release left him limp for a moment, and then he realized what had happened and the dismay on his face left him looking very young indeed.
Towa kept his gaze on Atsuro as he witnessed the striking young man in the throes of ecstasy. Leaning forward, he pressed deeper into Atsuro, filling him completely. "Beautiful," he whispered as he kissed Atsuro's cheek, then his lips. Moving back a little, Towa began rocking slowly back and forth into Atsuro, feeling his delicious warmth envelope him.
"You'll find someone one day," a voice from the past said, "Someone who'll surprise you and touch your heart."
Parting Atsuro's mouth with his own, Towa slid his tongue inside. Arigato, Sally Joy, he thought, briefly, then focused his attention on the man around him.
The young guitarist's dismay evaporated at the first movement of his lover inside him. Without really thinking about it, he arched his back, and tilted his hips up even more, matching his body to the one it was joined with. The intrusion was so big... the discomfort was present, but the movement was so primal it aroused something inside him. And he could see by the expression in Towa's face that he was giving him pleasure. That suffused him with a warm feeling that seemed to melt the tension. He relaxed into the kiss and then felt a sudden tingle as Towa brushed against something inside. His hips shifted of their own accord and he felt it again, stronger this time. It was good... it was... "Towa!" he gasped. his body suddenly awake and aroused again.
Hearing his name, Towa felt whatever control he attempted to maintain, disappear. Bracing himself, he began dancing inside of Atsuro faster, setting up his own tempo. Need and hunger took control and Towa allowed all of what he was to shine through. Surrendering his security, Towa found another side of himself that was stronger than he had ever imagined. Moving relentlessly inside Atsuro, he felt his body move inexorably towards its peak.
Atsuro's hands found places to fasten onto, a shoulder, a strong back, and he held on as he was rocked. The rhythm and friction inside sent him through the roof and he cried out as he suddenly came for the second time, his body shuddering as it erupted.
Hearing and feeling Atsuro's release, Towa felt himself suddenly pushed over the edge. He heard a voice that sounded something like his cry out as he filled Atsuro with his liquid essence.
A short time later, Towa kissed Atsuro again as he wrapped his arms around the young guitarist and held him close. "You rock, absolutely," he said, kissing Atsuro's forehead.
The redhead wrapped his arms around Towa's neck. He smiled up at the bassist with a total sense of being blown away, in the best sense. "You rock *me*," he murmured, smiling shyly. His arms tightened as his hugged Towa tightly. "That was so great," he whispered into Towa's ear.
"It gets better," Towa responded, whispering into Atsuro's ear. Kissing Atsuro's temple, Towa settled him against his side. "Atsuro," he said, quietly. "If you need to talk to me about anything, you can."
"I know," the redhead answered, snuggling against Towa's shoulder. He rested an arm around the bass player's waist and his eyes started to droop. "Better, huh? Cool..." Suddenly he yawned. "Oh, gomen..."
"Shhh," Towa said. "Get some rest. I have a good feeling we're both going to need it, koi."
Sighing deeply, Towa rested his head against Atsuro's thanking whatever spirits there were that he was a boy.
I'm a boy,
I'm a boy,
I'm a boy,
I'm a boy,
I'm a boy,
I'm a boy,
I'm....a....boy
I'm....a....boy
- Owari -